AITA for throwing away my husband’s father’s day gifts after what he did on mother’s day?

A Reddit user shared her story about how her husband made empty promises to make her Mother’s Day special, only to leave her disappointed and hurt throughout the weekend.

After feeling unacknowledged and overburdened while he prioritized his own enjoyment, she threw away the personalized gifts she had prepared for his upcoming Father’s Day in a moment of frustration.

Now, her husband claims he “tried” his best and feels hurt by her actions.
Curious to know the full details of this emotional family drama? Read the story below…

‘ AITA for throwing away my husband’s father’s day gifts after what he did on mother’s day?’

My husband and I have 2 kids (6yo boy and 8mo girl). He told me for two weeks leading up to mothers day that he had an entire weekend planned for me.

This is NOT normal, but there’s been years in the past where I did complain and feel hurt because he didn’t really do much of anything for me on Mother’s Day but I always went all out for him on Father’s Day and I just felt unappreciated.

So I’m thinking that he finally understood where I was coming from and was going to make it special for me this year. I quite literally ONLY asked for a massage and he repeatedly said that he couldn’t just give me a massage because it “wasn’t enough”. So like.. idk. At this point I’m truly thinking this man went all out.

Anyways, Friday rolls around and a bunch of people start showing up. He invited a good 10-15 people over. I think I knew 2 people. He called it the “Mother’s Day bonfire”.

We had a fire alright, but I was the one who chased the kids around all evening (my 6yo, while holding the baby, and some other persons 2 kids because they weren’t watching them) and quite literally no one spoke to me.

I wasn’t acknowledged until the very end of the evening and that was by my husband buddy who told me he was “stealing” my husband to go out four wheeling. It’s like 11pm at this point and everyone (except me) was drinking.

I said my husband wasn’t going anywhere. I even said this to my husband. “You’re drinking, you’re not going anywhere”.
He took that as a “oh, I need to find a DD and then I can go”. 

So, he asked the neighbor to drive him around and took off with everyone. I’m extremely hurt at this point because this was my promised weekend and I got stuck with other people’s kids, wasn’t spoken to at all, had a mess to clean up and now my husband is taking off. I explain how hurt I am the next morning.

He says he gets it and apologizes and says he just had too much to drink and wasn’t really thinking clearly. Okay, I get it. It’s whatever. We didn’t do anything Saturday because he spent half the day sleeping off a hangover.

Well, yesterday rolls around and his boss calls him at 6am and asks him to come in to work because they are short staffed and he said yes? So I expressed hurt and said “but it’s Mother’s Day”.

And he says “I know, I’m sorry, I just don’t want to pass up the opportunity for more hours”.
Which, I get that too. So, whatever. He gets home at 5pm and starts getting the kids dressed and ushered toward the door so I’m thinking we are finally going to celebrate.

We end up going on a walk (I love walking) but 5 minutes in and he’s complaining and has us turn around because of the black flies (they weren’t even bad). So again, I’m disappointed. When we get back home he lays down on the couch and says “oh your gift is in the truck”. So I go down and it’s a $5 storage container for sugar/flour.

I do like stuff like this but I’m so hurt at this point. I asked him if I could at least get a massage and he says “I’m sorry babe, I’m just so tired” and falls asleep around 8pm when he usually doesn’t even go to bed until midnight/1am.

I just sat there crying. I took the 3 gifts that I already bought him for Father’s Day and chucked them in the trash can. Personalized items that cost me more than I want to admit but I don’t even care anymore.

He found them in the garbage this morning and asked me what they were and why they were in the trash covered in food and I told them they were his father’s day gifts and left it at that. He’s now saying that he “tried” to make my weekend special and that he’s hurt by me throwing away his gifts to retaliate against him for it not turning out the way he wanted it to.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

she_who_knits −  It didn’t turn out the way he wanted it to because he planned it for himself, not you.
Thoughtless, selfish and drunk is no way to get through life.

lychigo −  Holy s**t would I be pissed (edit: I am now pissed). Leaving other peoples kids with you?! Why did they all bring their kids – where were their parents? WHY DID HE INVITE PEOPLE YOU DIDN’T KNOW? AND THEN YOU HAD TO CLEAN IT ALL UP?! IF HE KNOWS HE CAN”T THINK CLEARLY WHY DID HE DRINK.

It is not f**king whatever. This is full on b**lshit. FULL ON. So he works. 11 hours. And then you go on a walk for 5 minutes before he starts bitching. And he doesn’t even go to get your gift, he makes YOU go get it. And no massage.

He then falls asleep at 8 meaning that you’re probably the one putting your kids to bed on Mother’s day.
What the ever loving shitbucket. He’s HURT? HE’S HURT?

Scary-Cycle1508 −  NTA. But please, for the love of everything…stop making excuses “he said he drank too much. okay i get it.” , “He said, i just don’t want to pass on hours. i get it.”

Sit him down and tell him what an utter dissapointment this mothers day was because all he did was do things that HE wanted and what were fun for HIM. That he left you with children to wrangle that weren’t even yours, on a day that should be celebrating you while he did things that he wanted to do.

Trailsya −  NTA. Is he always like this? Because then stop having more kids with this guy.

Druid_High_Priest −  NTA, but why are you staying with this fool? He does not respect you or love you. You deserve better.

MissMurderpants −  Soo, for Father’s Day you need to hype up that you have something special planned. Really lay it on. Say he just needs to be home at X time ready for anything.

Meanwhile you are also scheduling something for you without the kids. A movie, that massage, going out to coffee with a friend. *SOMETHING AWAY FROM HOME*

And when that time arrives you hand the baby off and kiss hubs on the cheek and say cya in a few hours and go.
**After all, Father’s Day should be about a father spending time with his children**.. NTA

YomiKuzuki −  He’s now saying that he “tried” to make my weekend special and that he’s hurt by me throwing away his gifts to retaliate against him for it not turning out the way he wanted it to.

Except it turned out *exactly* as he planned, minus being called in for work, I assume. Let’s go over things.
Friday rolls around and a bunch of people start showing up. He invited a good 10-15 people over. I think I knew 2 people.

He called it the “Mother’s Day bonfire”.
We had a fire alright, but I was the one who chased the kids around all evening (my 6yo, while holding the baby, and some other persons 2 kids because they weren’t watching them) and quite literally no one spoke to me.

I wasn’t acknowledged until the very end of the evening and that was by my husband buddy who told me he was “stealing” my husband to go out four wheeling. It’s like 11pm at this point and everyone (except me) was drinking.

He wanted a drinking party, and used mother’s day weekend as an excuse, and you as a free babysitter. Also, drinking, being late at night, and four wheeling do not mix well.

I said my husband wasn’t going anywhere. I even said this to my husband. “You’re drinking, you’re not going anywhere”. He took that as a “oh, I need to find a DD and then I can go”.

So, he asked the neighbor to drive him around and took off with everyone.
Your husband wanted to have fun on what he was calling *your* weekend, and he made damn sure he got to have it.

I explain how hurt I am the next morning. He says he gets it and apologizes and says he just had too much to drink and wasn’t really thinking clearly. Okay, I get it.

It’s whatever. We didn’t do anything Saturday because he spent half the day sleeping off a hangover. He invited a dozen strangers to your home for a late night bonfire where they’d be drinking. It wasn’t being drunk that was the problem.

I expressed hurt and said “but it’s Mother’s Day”. And he says “I know, I’m sorry, I just don’t want to pass up the opportunity for more hours”. Which, I get that too. So, whatever.

He gets home at 5pm and starts getting the kids dressed and ushered toward the door so I’m thinking we are finally going to celebrate. We end up going on a walk (I love walking) but 5 minutes in and he’s complaining and has us turn around because of the black flies (they weren’t even bad).

So again, I’m disappointed. When we get back home he lays down on the couch and says “oh your gift is in the truck”. So I go down and it’s a $5 storage container for sugar/flour.

After dumping a bunch of kids on you and drunk four wheeling Friday, sleeping off his hangover on Saturday, and then working most of Sunday, he couldn’t even spend an hour with you. And then the finale to this s**tty mother’s day weekend is a $5 container that he probably picked up from a dollar store on the way home.

I asked him if I could at least get a massage and he says “I’m sorry babe, I’m just so tired” and falls asleep around 8pm when he usually doesn’t even go to bed until midnight/1am.

So again, he couldn’t even spend an *hour* with you doing something nice. It was pretty much you taking care 3 children all weekend, along with someone else’s kids on Friday.

I took the 3 gifts that I already bought him for Father’s Day and chucked them in the trash can. Personalized items that cost me more than I want to admit but I don’t even care anymore.

He found them in the garbage this morning and asked me what they were and why they were in the trash covered in food and I told them they were his father’s day gifts and left it at that.

Good. I’m glad you threw them away.
NTA. Stop going all out for him on father’s day. If he’s not putting in effort for you, why should you put in effort for him.

FriendsofFripp −  Do you have some place safe you go with your children?
I would start laying down some hard boundaries with your husband.

Are you open to marriage counseling? Would your husband participate with an open mind? How much longer are you going to tolerate the mistreatment? Would you be willing to leave if the status quo continues?

no_desk_writer −  He has checked out of this marriage. You should too.

CorinneAYC −  Are these posts written by men trying to wmlower the bar? Like “okay i only got you flowers after you reminded me to, but at least i didnt ruin your weekend”

Was the Redditor justified in her reaction after her disappointing Mother’s Day, or was throwing away her husband’s Father’s Day gifts an overreaction? How would you address feeling unappreciated in a relationship?
Share your thoughts and experiences below!