AITA for giving my son’s new bike away after the “prank” he pulled on a girl he was friends with?

A Reddit user shared how she discovered her 15-year-old son pulled a cruel “prank” on a girl named Ashley, pretending to ask her out as a joke. Horrified, she grounded him and had him apologize to Ashley in person while giving her the new bike he had received for his birthday.

While she believes she handled the situation appropriately, her parents criticized her for being too harsh, leaving her to question whether she went too far.Curious to know all the details and how it unfolded? Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for giving my son’s new bike away after the “prank” he pulled on a girl he was friends with?’

So recently I found out my son “Jacob” (15) pulled an incredibly cruel “prank” on one of the girls I’ll call “Ashley” that’s in his friend group. I know this girl, she’s been to our house and even attended Jacob’s birthday party a month ago.

She seemed incredibly sweet if not a bit shy. So when my oldest son “Mark” (17) came to me and told me Jacob had asked Ashley out on a date as a prank I was stunned.

I of course asked how he could know this, hoping as any mother would that it wasn’t true. But Mark showed me the family tablet we all use (but mostly my sons do) and it seems Jacob forgot to log out of his chatting app, discord.

I read the long series of messages between Jacob and his friends as they mocked Ashley all through this heartless prank.
I was speechless. And that’s not even getting into HOW he was talking, like he was some thug and not a 15 year old living in a gated community. At first I couldn’t figure out what to do, or how to proceed.

I’ll admit that I never once imagined either of my boys would be the type of person to do something like that. But there was no way in hell I was letting this go. So after a day of thought I decided what was going to happen.

First things first, he was grounded, for how long I’m not sure.
Secondly, I’d gotten Jacob a bike for his birthday but it hadn’t arrived until the day previous and I’d planned to give it to him when my parents came to visit since they’d been unable to make his party.

But instead of that I showed him I knew about the “prank” and told him he was grounded, then I made him carry the new bike out of my bedroom closet and to the car before driving to Ashley’s house, him crying the whole way.

I’d called her parents earlier and explained everything and so once we got there I had him cart it to their front porch and ring the bell. Then in front of me, Ashley, her parents, and God I had him give a sincere apology and gift her the bike.

Even I apologized to her, saying I didn’t raise my boy this way and what he did was unforgivable. I also called the parents of the other boys who were apart of this little stunt and they all seemed rightfully horrified by their sons’ involvement.

I felt I’d handled this all as best as I could, and my friends agreed. Though once my parents found out that I’d made Jacob give his birthday gift away they said what I did went too far.

I still feel like what I did was right but having my parents more or less dog pile on me like this actually made me wonder if how I handled it was too extreme? AITA here?

See what others had to share with OP:

og_kitten_mittens −  NTA you did the right thing. If there hadn’t been consequences that hit where it hurt, he may not have learned how unacceptable that behavior is.
That cruelty is sadly common in kids around that age, but this is the absolute right step towards him becoming a good man

Last-Construction295 −  NTA! I would have done the same thing. What he did is not ok, that can damage someone’s self confidence, he can handle losing a gift. He should feel awful for what hes done, your parents are just grandparents thinking.

They aren’t seeing the big picture. If he keeps going down that path he will end up with a bad group of kids. Punish him however you want. Boys need to be raised to respect women not tear them down.

CaterpillarHumble769 −  As someone who has been ‘pranked’ like this it’s very refreshing to see you stand up for her and not just excuse away what your son did. I’d also have a long conversation to him about why it wasn’t right but so far I think what you did was right. NTA

[Reddit User] −  NTA I still remember 10+ years later when I was in middle school and one kid told me his friend loved me and seeing how angry his friend got afterwards because liking me was such a gross thing. You 100% did the right thing.

rishcast −  Ahhhh ESH. A couple of things – Jacob was cruel, you made the right call re: bike and grounding.
Here’s the issue – you seem content to stop there.

He clearly has issues. Either this is a deeper problem like misogyny, or he’s being a bully. whatever it is, you’re going to need to deal with the roots, not just the leaves.

You need to sit him down, and understand why he chose to do what he did. Was this a decision he was the ringleader for? Was he convinced to do it by someone else? Whatever the answer to those questions, why did he go through with it? Why was Ashley chosen as the target?

You say you raised him better, so what is going on in his life that caused him to act the way he did?
I suspect he may also need to see a therapist depending on his answers to your questions.. Another note:

And that’s not even getting into HOW he was talking, like he was some thug and not a 15 year old living in a gated community
This bit struck me a bit off. It may just be a thoughtless turn of phrase, but it feels like a comment about how your son should be better than what he did because of his wealth and where he lives.

Now, I don’t know if this is a mindset you actually have. But thoughtless comments like this that you don’t think of may well help shape his worldview – which is to say,

if he’s better than the people you think of as “thugs” because he “lives in a gated community,”
it’s not difficult to say how he’d have gone from there to “I’m better than other people, like Ashley,” especially if she is from a different economic background than you guys.

Again, not saying this is what you actually believe.
What I am saying is you may want to look at the way you react as well, and consider whether there are any perspectives you hold that may have inadvertently contributed to his actions and that you should change as well.

You’ve taken the first steps by punishing him, but leaving it there would be dangerous. You need to take steps to properly address his behavior, not just punish him, and until that happens, ESH.

ed_lv −  NTA. Your son has hopefully learned a lesson here. You’re doing tough things a parent needs to do to raise their kids properly. You could’ve handled this an easy way, but you did it the hard way and the right way

Legitimate-Horror-78 −  NTA, by making him give her the bike you made sure he will never forget it.
As a kid, I got grounded and don’t remember why now but I guarantee you I remember what I did that caused my parents to cancel my birthday party one year.

Partyofoneopinion −  The only person that you didn’t take into consideration was Ashley. Do you think she wanted that? The bike, the public attention about the prank, she shaming? I understand you had the best intentions in mind, but you overlooked the victim in all of this. And for this, I think you’re TA.. ETA: thanks for the awards!

crazymamallama −  ESH. He deserved a harsh punishment, but you made this poor girl a spectacle. His apology meant nothing with his mommy there forcing it. Instead, it was probably a very embarrassing situation having to stand in front of both of their parents and accept a fake apology and a bike she probably didn’t even want.

Now that you’ve told all of the other boys parents, they’re going to make her the enemy. That’s only going to make the bullying worse. There are much better ways to teach your son empathy, without making her collateral damage.

Ground him, find a book that tells what bullying is like from the victims view, have him volunteer at a suicide prevention hotline, have him speak to a mental health professional about what they see from the victims of bullying every day.

Most importantly, get to the bottom of why he felt this was an appropriate thing to do. Why is he so desperate for the approval of others? Also, stop acting like being wealthy makes him above doing stupid s**t.

You claim to have raised him better, but you need to take a hard look at how you treat and talk about others. Children are taught empathy by example.

symidee −  Unpopular but YTA. I was onboard until making him give her the bike.
Do you think she is ever going to ride that thing without associating it back to your AH son? Return it, sure. Withhold it for months, yes. But gift it to Ashley is weird and over the top.

Did this mom handle her son’s cruel prank in the right way, or was giving away his bike too extreme? How would you balance discipline and teaching empathy in a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!