My (24f) co-worker (50f) blamed me for my miscarriage but is now frustrated I won’t talk to her

A Reddit user shares a painful experience with a coworker who blamed her for her miscarriage, making cruel and insensitive remarks. Now, after distancing herself, the coworker is frustrated and confused about the change in their dynamic. The Redditor remains professional but refuses to engage socially, and she wonders how to make it clear that their friendship is over—without provoking another outburst. Read the original story below…

‘ My (24f) co-worker (50f) blamed me for my miscarriage but is now frustrated I won’t talk to her’

My coworker/’friend’ has been in a sour mood because I was given ‘lenient’ clock in clock out times the week of my miscarriage ( I took no days off, and only came in and left early the first two days as the cramps were horrible) finally, after she was being talked to about coming in late she came after me,

yelling at me asking me why I’m not in trouble as well and how it is not fair she is getting yelled at but I’m coming and going ‘as I please’. Me, thinking we were friends, confided to her that I had a miscarriage. Her response? ‘I told you you were pregnant! Why the hell are you here? You need to be home! This is why you had the miscarriage!

You don’t care about yourself, you’re being selfish working when you should be letting your body recover. What is wrong with you? You are being so stupid! You don’t take care of yourself and then you wonder why you had a miscarriage. Come on, really. Who do you think you’re telling this to? I’m a woman! I have gone through things like this!

Don’t look surprised if you find you can’t get pregnant after this. Honestly, take care of yourself. ‘ And then with that she announced she was going on break and I sobbed in the bathroom. I pulled myself together and didn’t speak to her the rest of the day. Then it was the weekend then she was sick and was gone and then she had a family emergency and has been back but I’ve moved desks.

I’m hurt and angry and honestly, am not her friend. Today she tried to send me a birthday gift and I refused. She is pissed and doesn’t understand my change in attitude. She also tried to coordinate breaks with me. I, of course, insisted that I break at a different time.

This is making her frustrated and I am honestly at a loss for words on how to explain to her why I no longer want to engage socially with her. I am completely amicable to her professionally otherwise. How do I explain to her I don’t want to be friends with her anymore? Is there a way I can do it without causing her to ‘explode’?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Icehouse67 −  “Your words regarding my very painful miscarriage were beyond hurtful, and I no longer want a relationship with you outside of work or otherwise.” You can’t control how she reacts to that. Block everywhere socially and ignore at work. If she continues to harass you, that is when you involve HR.

CampusTour −  Do you have a boss or supervisor you trust? HR department? You shouldn’t have to put up with this at work, and your company probably isn’t interested in her continuing to be a walking, talking, liability for them.

[Reddit User] −  Forget being friends. **Go see HR. Now.** Use the words “she is creating a hostile work environment.” Perhaps visit r/legaladvice first, to check the exact legal issue. Hopefully the management can rein her in. Or even sack her, for this appalling bullying. EDIT: To everyone: yes it is. Do your research.

RunningTrisarahtop −  Tell her you don’t want to talk to her unless it is related to work and talk to HR/your supervisor. She is wrong and a j**k and I’m sorry. You didn’t cause the loss, and I hope you know that.

HarbingeronLine2 −  “You ended our friendship with your comments. Please go away.”

BashfulBastian −  In addition to what everyone else has said, don’t take any of her words to heart. Plenty of people have babies after having a miscarriage. Myself included. You didn’t do anything wrong, what happened wasnt anyone’s fault.

heyitsapeppermintcow −  Some women, esp older ones, think talking to younger people like that is “caring”. Spoiler: it’s not and you’re totally right to feel this way. Could you go on break w her and say something like “hey I need you to listen and not respond – what you said to me was extremely hurtful and inappropriate. I need some space and would appreciate if you respect that”

currently_distracted −  Is your coworker from another culture? The way she reacted is similar to some older immigrant ladies I know, and it’s their way of showing they care. Not saying it’s right by any means (it’s awfully rude and totally wrong), but it’s probably what was modeled to them as well..

Definitely talk to HR about this. And maybe also tell her what she said was really offensive, and you don’t care to continue your relationship with her. Maybe she’ll think twice next time before she verbally vomits on her next victim.

whatabiiiitch −  Tell Karen to f**k allllll the way off with her Facebook medical degree.

[Reddit User] −  Looks like she needs to take a long look at herself. She also sounds like a bully and I’m so sorry she was so cruel to you during such a difficult time, there’s honestly no excuse for that and if she can’t see what she did wrong then she’s pretty stupid. I hope she leaves you alone and that things get better for you.

Some words can never be taken back, and trust, once broken, is hard to rebuild. Do you think the Redditor should explain her feelings, or is silence the best response? Share your thoughts below!