Last year, boyfriend (33m) quitted his job without telling me and now he refused to look for another job. I’m (31f) tired of paying for everything
A Reddit user shared her frustration over her unemployed boyfriend, who quit his job without warning and refuses to find work, leaving her to pay for everything. Despite her financial stability, she resents his lack of ambition and entitlement to her earnings. When she brings up the issue, he accuses her of being unsupportive. She wonders if it’s worth trying to make him change or if it’s time to move on. Read the original story below…
‘ Last year, boyfriend (33m) quitted his job without telling me and now he refused to look for another job. I’m (31f) tired of paying for everything’
My boyfriend (33m) quit his job last year without telling me. I only found out 2 days before the rent was due (we split everything 50/50) when I asked him for his part of the rent. When I asked, he simply told me he quit because he was tired of working at that place. Since then, I’ve been paying for everything, including rent, food, gas, bills, and anything he needs.
I had to work 2 jobs while going to school for a while, it was hard. But I finally finished school couple months ago and I found my dream job. I make enough to live comfortably, even take care of my bf and still have money for saving. However, I still want him to get a job to support himself because I think as an adult, he needs a job.
But I feel like he rely on me too much and he thinks since my job pays well, he doesn’t have any reason to work. He always say things like “you make good money now so maybe you could buy me my dream car” or “you should open a business for me to run”.
It bothers me a lot. I don’t mind supporting my partner financially if there’s a legit reason that prevent him from working, but it’s not the case. He spends most of his time playing games, meeting up with friends, or just at home watching movies. I still have to do all the chores and take care of our dogs.
His family thinks that he’s been woking to take care of me so that I can finish school, which is not true. Now they think I was able to finish school and got a good job all because of him. I don’t even want to explain to them. I just want him to get a job and have a future.
When I tried to talk to him, he told me I’m not supportive and now that I have a good job, I look down on him. What should I do? Is it even worth it to try to talk some sense into him? I don’t want to start dating at this age but I feel like I can’t keep doing this.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
whereisthetvchanger − You break up with him. He’s not a partner- he’s a freaking leach. Stop trying to control him and control what you can. Break up. Kick him out / move out.. Find someone worthy of you.
trishsf − Wow. You leave. You don’t have a boyfriend, you have a dependent. Of course he’s not getting a job. Why would he? You have proven to him that he doesn’t need to because he’s got a sugar momma. Him saying that you look down on him? It’s manipulation. He wants you to feel bad. Supportive of what? Him sitting around playing games? Leave. Dating can actually be fun and you can’t want this for the rest of your life.
justheretolurk3 − You worked two jobs while in school to support someone who happily sits on their ass not contributing. Not even cleaning or caring for the pets.. Why?. Why have you accepted this? And the worst part is he lets his family think that he’s supporting you.
So he actually has enough sense to know that what he’s doing is frowned up. You don’t want to start dating at “this age”? You mean 31? So you’d rather be 31 taking care of a stay at home boyfriend who contributes literally nothing? How is that a better outlook at 31.
quickcalamity − Where is your self esteem? Self respect? That you would allow this to go on for this long? And what could you possibly see in him? He sounds awful and you know it. You already knew what our advice would be.
ItsAllALot − He has some audacity, thinking he can just say “hey I’m not going to contribute because I don’t want to.” Is this really the person you want to spend the next 50 years with? What’s in that for you?? For what it’s worth, I met my husband at 34 and got married at 37.
EvenMoreSpiders − Just leave. He wants to be taken care of by a partner, you don’t want that. He has lied about his supporting you to his family meaning he knows what he’s doing is hurting you and isn’t the right choice. Just leave. He isn’t going to change.
facinationstreet − You kick him out, which is what you should have done last year when he didn’t have rent after he **quit** his job.
Rockpoolcreater − When he tries to make you feel bad by saying that you look down on him for not having a job/because you have a good job, your reply needs to be “Yes I do! Because you’re lazy and using me.” Don’t be afraid to call him out for what he is. Because I promise you, he will never change, because he is very happy not working and having you pay for everything.
As for dating, don’t even worry about dating if you kick him to the curb. Your life will be so much better as a single person, than it is currently. You’ll have more money, more freedom, less stress, and you’ll wonder why you stayed with him so long. You may feel like you’re too old to start dating again (when you’re ready) you’re not.
It’s better to leave him now and have time to be alone, then find someone better (and believe me you deserve so much better), than to wait another ten years. If you stay, in ten years time you’ll be even more unhappy, with no savings, with a lazy boyfriend who uses you for money. You’ll be wishing that you’d left now so you could have spent the last ten years being happy and saving your money.
[Reddit User] − Last year? This year is about half done. You should marry this guy. Just think how great this behavior is going to be when the kids come. Or when you score your dream job far away from his friends. It is going to happy ever after, for you girl. You need to leave yesterday. You are having a pity party with this ‘I can’t start dating at this age’ stuff. Get rid of him and do it yesterday. If you don’t, it is going to be a s**t show in a few years.
krook85 − Wtf is this? Just leave.
A relationship should be a partnership, not a one-sided burden. Is she right to demand change, or should she walk away from someone unwilling to grow? Share your thoughts.