UPDATE: My (28f) best friend (29f) since birth gave me a bad reference for a job she told me to apply to.

A Reddit user discovered her lifelong best friend not only sabotaged her job opportunity but did so to hide an affair. After confronting her, the truth unraveled, leading to the end of their 30-year friendship and the collapse of her friend’s marriage. Now, she’s debating whether to inform the workplace about the lies told to prevent her from getting hired. Is seeking justice justified, or is it time to walk away? Read the original story below…

‘ UPDATE: My (28f) best friend (29f) since birth gave me a bad reference for a job she told me to apply to.’

This OP: My (28f) best friend (29f) since birth gave me a bad reference for a job she told me to apply to

I called Tori yesterday and gave her the opportunity to meet up, apologize and explain more in depth. She accepted my offer and we had lunch at a nearby restaurant today. Some of you guessed that the reason that she didn’t want me at her job was because she could’ve been hiding something. That was correct. She told me that she was indeed having an affair with a coworker.

I didn’t buy it at all. It just didn’t make sense because if that was the case, why would she tell her husband that she sabotaged me rather than keep that to her self? Turns out that my husband was pressuring him for answers as well and her husband kept “reminding” her to ask her boss why I didn’t get the job.

That’s when she told him what she did. She also gave him a completely different explanation of why she didn’t want me working there. She showed me months of steamy texts and sexts between her and her coworker so I knew then that she was telling the truth. I asked her why she didn’t just tell me?

She said that she was scared that people at her job would ask me questions and it would come out that she’s married. The guy at her job that she’s been seeing doesn’t even know and thinks they are in an exclusive relationship. She said that if I found out about the affair, she was afraid that I’d tell my husband and since our husbands are best friends, he would tell hers.

She gets together with her coworker for a few hours after work and on weekends. Apparently, she doesn’t even work weekends! Her husband thinks that she is at work all this time. She said that having me work there would ruin things as our schedules wouldn’t add up and it would get back to her husband and he would question her about why.

I asked her why would she have me apply and say that she would get me in knowing she had no intentions of having me work with her??? She said that she didn’t think I’d really take her up on her offer as I’ve made comments before about her work sounding boring and that she was really hoping that if she dragged it out long enough, I’d get tired of waiting and look elsewhere.

The million dollar question that I asked her was: what did you say to your boss to change her mind about offering me the job? She said she told her boss that having me work there would honestly probably just be a distraction and she wouldn’t perform her best and that I was known to be lazy and a slacker.

(Definitely not true) she DID offer her sincere apology and said that she felt terrible knowing what all Jon and I were going through and she didn’t help. But I just can’t see myself forgiving her or even trusting her again after this situation. Basically the best friend that I have known all these years has turned into a complete stranger! I feel like I don’t even know her anymore.

This isn’t someone I want in my life. Especially after she caused me to look foolish by badmouthing me to her boss. I told her that our friendship was over and that she’d better have a talk with her husband because no way was I holding this back from mine.

A few hours later, my husband got a call from hers. Tori told him the news and they are now separating and he will file for a divorce in the upcoming weeks. Tori is, believe it or not, moving in with her coworker. I haven’t heard from her since leaving the restaurant and honestly don’t plan on talking to her ever again. Almost 30 years of friendship gone over a string of lies.

As for my husband, him and I had a long talk after revealing to me that he already knew what Tori did. I explained to him that it is NEVER okay to keep things like that from me, no matter what. I understand him and Matt have a very good friendship but me and my feelings should come first in future situations like this. He agreed and will eventually gain my trust back.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

[Reddit User] −  Also that poor coworker, probably never knowing he was an affair and got upgraded after her husband dropped her.

[Reddit User] −  Awful wife, awful friend. Poor Matt. Hope you and your husband can support him during this time.

Holy_Sungaal −  I had my ex best friend implode our relationship, but she was cheating with my boyfriend. Some friends are just selfish. Sorry this happened to you. At least everything was figured out and you’re not wondering what happened and feeling like you were in the wrong for getting upset.

Toffeerain −  Not surprised the affair theory was true but she was hiding an entire marriage from her coworkers?? I don’t think this is the first affair otherwise why keep your options open like that? Must’ve been accustomed to slipping her ring off. Glad you talked it through with your husband, OP. He shouldn’t have kept it from you.

The_Molsen −  Does the Coworker know? He should know.

7evenCircles −  Dude got monkey bar’d so hard. Disgusting person. She threw you under the bus because it was convenient for her. She threw her husband away like trash because it was convenient for her. She’s no friend.

mooshoowow1994 −  Yikes stay away from that dumpster fire.

[Reddit User] −  The fact that nobody at her work knows she was married probably means that this current love interest isn’t her first. It sounds like she has been marketing herself as single and secretly dating other men for a while. That is extremely selfish and deceitful on its own, but to conceal all of that from your best friend is just mind blowing.

This person has been living a double life. It’s a good thing you didn’t just let bygones be bygones and that you actually had a talk with her. Otherwise she would continue stringing all of you along for God knows how long. Also, the fact that she lied to the man she was having an affair with just goes to show what a shady person she is. So many victims in this situation.

shouldbestudyingbye −  WAIT. hold up.. you’re gonna call her work place and report their affair to her employer? Look, this is starting to go beyond just your friendship. You’ve said what you needed to say, you’ve ended the friendship, made her fess up her to husband- no need to get her personal life and affair involved with her work. Of course disclose that she lied about her reference to you.

But I don’t think anyone wants their dirty laundry aired out to the public. Her personal life has nothing to do with how good she is at her work. Plus why do you care what the employer who you’ve never worked for thinks about you? I am in HR and they aren’t even gonna remember your name in the future. There’s no reputation to save here if that’s what you’re trying to do, or are you trying to get her unemployed?

I am not defending her, but it seems like you have this expectation she was going to just openly tell you she was cheating on her husband. That’s an unrealistic expectation no matter how close you are. I think it’s fair for her to be ashamed and worried about her actions and not tell you what she’s doing. You can’t reaaaally punish her for that.

What are you truly upset about? Is it the fact she lied about the reference? She’s explained why she kept it a secret and she’s apologised for why she lied about the reference. I mean she betrayed her husband, but did she betray you with the affair? And honestly, even if it wasn’t for the affair, she doesn’t need a reason to not want you to work with her.

She has the right to change her mind. The amount of times I’ve said something in the moment and changed my mind after, IT HAPPENS. She could have handled that better and just been honest with you. But it seems like you’re more upset with her cheating… and it’s not YOUR place to be mad and make her face the consequences.

That’s her husband’s place. You can lose respect for her, distance yourself and be disappointed but for you to actively go out and try to make her pay for her mistakes with the affair is not your place. Edit: I’m in HR and if some person who doesn’t work here shows up to tell me x and x’s affair I would find her ridiculous and probs blacklist her.

crs175 −  Why are you meeting with her boss. That is wildly inappropriate to meet at a company you are not a part of to expose an affair. It seems extremely petty.

When trust is shattered, some betrayals leave no room for forgiveness. Would you report the lies, or is cutting ties punishment enough? Share your thoughts.