AITA because I got my daughter a $80 dress?

A Redditor recently shared a story about a family vacation that sparked some tension with their spouse. While on a weeklong cruise, the Redditor’s 16-year-old daughter took it upon herself to look after her younger brother, and as a thank-you.

The Redditor bought her an $80 dress. However, their wife felt the gesture was unfair, pointing out that nothing was bought for their sons. This led to a heated discussion, with the Redditor defending their decision.
Read the original story below to see how it all unfolded.

‘ AITA because I got my daughter a $80 dress?’

My family just got back from a weeklong cruise, and there is still some tension about this. My wife and I took our 20yo son, 16yo daughter, 13yo son and 7yo son.

Our oldest spent most of his time on vacation doing his own thing, having breakfast and dinner with the family but being seldom seen otherwise. My wife and I enjoyed spending time with out kids, but we also did some couple’s activities.

There are clubs on the boat for kids, and our 13yo really enjoyed them, but our 7yo didn’t and kept wanting to spend the day with his sister, who we’d given carte blanche to do her own thing as long as she ate with us and answered when we messaged her. She was a good sport and took her little brother on most of her adventures, swimming with him,

taking him to trivia and doing the animation classes with him. I felt like this was very sweet of her and showed a great deal of maturity. The second to last day of the cruise I took her to the gift shop and told her to pick out whatever she wanted as thanks for looking after her brother. She was very excited and ended up picking out a dress. The dress was $80.

She wore it to dinner that night, and when she told her mom I bought it for her my wife gave me a weird look. After dinner she asked me why the hell I did that. I explained that it was a reward for looking after her brother.

She said we can’t buy an $80 dress for our daughter and nothing for our sons. I said we didn’t get them nothing; we took them on a cruise. My wife said I’m an i**ot. I don’t think so.

We got some trinkets for the younger boys, about $20 worth of stuff. My wife thinks I fucked up and said I should apologize to the boys. I refuse. We took our adult son on a vacation that cost thousands of dollars, he has no reason to resent his sister being rewarded for being thoughtful.

If we got our 7yo and 13yo a really expensive souvenir, it would probably be lost or broken. She still thinks I was an a**hole though. Clarification: A lot of commentors seem to think we asked our daughter to babysit her brother.

That’s not really the case. What kept happening was that she would tell us her plans for the day and 7yo would say he’d rather do that than go to the kid’s club, and she would agree to let him come with her.

So it was more just her being a nice sister than actual babysitting. She always had the ability to drop him off at the club. That’s why I wanted to reward her, because I thought it was so sweet of her not to do that and to make her brother feel good about his cool older sister wanting to hang out with him.

Check out how the community responded:

CaliforniaJade −  Green flag, green flag! What a thoughtful way to acknowledge your daughter. You’re right, your 20 year old son got a free vacation as did your 13 year old and 7 year old. Your daughter graciously did a service for the family.

NTA Your wife does not seem to want to recognize that your 16 year old daughter is not the built in baby sitter. What extra service did her brothers do to warrant extra gifts? At least she didn’t make a scene in front of your daughter and addressed it with you privately.

Just read your edit, I think I like your daughter even more. No one asked her to watch her brother, she was just nice enough not to say no when he said he wanted to hang out with her.

redianne −  If your wife is concerned about all of her children getting an “equal treatment” this should also include their responsibilities. It was very sweet of your daughter to spend time with her brother and allowing you and your wife to have some alone time.

I’ve seen this very often (and I have experienced it first hand) that the women in a family are expected to contribute as caregivers for the elderly and the youngest in the family.
The fact you acknowledge her work is very valuable and sets her a great example.. NTA.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. You basically paid her for babysitting.

Bethsmom05 −  NTA. Your daughter very sweetly provided babysitting so you and your wife had time to yourselves. The dress was a very reasonable gift and $80 for a dress isn’t bad.
Your wife is the YTA if she thinks that babysitting was your daughter’s duty because she’s a girl.

GoreGoddezz −  NTA. But your wife sure is. Shame on her. Tell her she can then pay your daughter day care fees for taking care of HER child if she has such a problem with you buying her a gift. After all, your son isn’t your daughter’s responsibility. You did a good thing. Your wife sounds jealous of her own child.

flmdicaljcket −  What’s your wife’s problem with your daughter?

[Reddit User] −  $80 is nothing compared to the total cruise bill.
It was a positive memory and something fun to do, not everyone has to be a jealous hussy.. NTA.

Unlucky_Eggplant_329 −  NTA. Your wife sounds like an “everyone gets a trophy” person.

Own-Brilliant3838 −  NTA Let’s get this straight, your only daughter, took over the role of mom/babysitter for the week, so you and your wife could enjoy the cruise, while your other boys did what they wanted.

Your daughter stepped up when she didn’t have to, and you chose to reward her, it was not something she expected or had her hand out for.People may disagree, but I think you’re a great dad for acknowledging your daughter’s maturity and selflessness. It’s a shame your wife can’t see that.

FriskyOrphan −  As the only son out of 4 siblings I can’t ever imagine a time where I gave a damn about my sisters getting a dress lol.

Do you think the Redditor was justified in rewarding their daughter with the dress for her thoughtful gesture, or should they have been more mindful of balancing the gifts for all the kids? Was the wife’s reaction fair, or should the dad have handled the situation differently? Share your thoughts in the comments below!