AITA for not letting my sister have “custody” of her bio kids, who I adopted?

A Reddit user shared a deeply personal story about raising her sister’s two daughters, whom she legally adopted after their mother, Annie, decided she couldn’t care for them.

Five years later, Annie, who had moved away, now wants “custody” of the girls, claiming she’s ready to parent after overcoming postpartum depression. The user refused, prioritizing the stability and well-being of the children.

Was this the right decision, or should Annie be given a chance? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not letting my sister have “custody” of her bio kids, who I adopted?’

When my sister, Annie, was 18, and I was 21, she got pregnant and had a daughter, Sophie. She developed what we believe was post partum depression, but was never diagnosed as she refused therapy.

When Annie’s school started up again our mother took on all childcare of Sophie. As mum took on more childcare, Annie seemed more like her old self (happy, outgoing, generally mentally healthy).

Then within 6 months of Sophie’s birth, Annie got pregnant again with another girl, Laura, and the cycle of PPD symptoms, mum taking over, and Annie’s mood improving repeated.

When Laura was 2 and Sophie was 3, Annie decided to move out of our parent’s home, *alone*, and said she wanted our parents to adopt/raise her daughters. They said no.

Annie said she couldn’t take care of the girls as she had her own life and being a parent made her miserable. My husband and I already had 4 kids of our own, we’d bonded with the girls, and we had the resources for 2 more, so we offered to take them in, and Annie let us legally adopt them before moving about 8 hours away.

It’s been about 5 years, and the kids are doing well. It was a rough start, but we’re now a stable, loving, healthy family unit. Sophie and Laura are 7 and 8, and Annie has recently lost her job and had to move back in with our parents.

Annie has now asked for “custody” of Sophie and Laura. I’m writing “custody” like that because it wouldn’t be custody in the legal sense, as she willingly surrendered all legal rights to the girls and can’t get them back (we checked with a lawyer).

However, Annie wants the girls to live with her. Initially she said she wanted them full time and to legally adopt them back from us, which we obviously refused, then she offered a “compromise” of alternate weeks, so 50/50 “custody”.

Again, we refused. Given her insistence, we don’t even want her around Sophie and Laura, so we’ve not been going by my parent’s house as we typically do.

It’s been a month of constant badgering, insisting we let Annie bond with “her” daughters, and allow her to at the very least take them for overnight visits, saying that Annie had PPD 5 years ago, and now she’s ready to be a parent.

I’ve responded that we are not babysitters, we are Sophie and Laura’s parents, they’re in a good place and this will be detrimental to all 6 kids, and Annie doesn’t get to step in now when she never stepped up in the first place.

The response from my parents and Annie is that I’m being unsympathetic to her PPD and I should let her at least have a chance, rather than deem her unfit without giving her a chance to prove herself,

plus given that we already have 4 kids other than them, Sophie and Laura could probably do with a smaller household, and saying we’re being unreasonable for not allowing Annie to bond with “her” kids.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

FactBearsEatBeetss −  NTA NTA NTA NTA and PLEASE stand your ground. You have provided those two little girls with a stable, loving family for the last 5 years.

You are genuinely the only true mom and dad they’ve ever experienced and it is so unfair of your sister and parents to expect you to relinquish custody of your daughters whom you have raised without any support or help from Annie.

PPD is totally possible, but even with PPD, had Annie adopted the children outside of your family, not only would she have absolutely zero custodial rights to them but she wouldn’t even know them whatsoever. Being a parent is NOT something to get to be wishywashy about.

cabbage9988 −  NTA. You’re the parents. She’s bored and looking to do a little fun bonding. Protect your kids. She’s an Aunt at the table at Christmas, by her own choices.

bybytheway −  No way. You’re NTA at all. Those girls already started their life off with a parent that wasn’t present mentally and basically gave them up… they don’t deserve to have their life be uprooted again with someone so unpredictable.
That’s just my opinion. Parents that step in and out of their children’s lives are the worst!

TimeandEntropy −  NTA at all. She gave up her rights. She wasn’t interested at all for 5 years. Doesn’t seem like she was much interested before that.

It would be a terrible thing for the kids to be uprooted from their home environment and their siblings again particularly with the chance that Annie will rediscover that having children requires time and effort and that being a parent makes her miserable all over again.

You are doing the right thing to protect your kids from your flaky sister. Your parents also aren’t the girls parents – they don’t get a say.

They enabled Annie and declined to keep the girls themselves, they need to keep their opinions to themselves. Annie is no longer the person that matters, Sophie and Laura do and that kind of back and forth does not sound like a good idea.

lovebeinganasshole −  NTA. PPD my ass, not wanting to be a parent is not ppd its selfish lazy ass teenager. The children do not need this type of upheaval in their lives she can have a relationship with them when they turn 18 if that’s what they want.

Pretend-Panda −  NTA. Those girls are not her children. They are your children, and they are part of a larger family in which they sound to be thriving. You make the decisions for your children. Their aunts sudden desire to bond and take on a parental role is not indicative of a relationship with reality.

Terradactyl87 −  So wait, she lost her job and had to move back in with her parents, but she thinks now she should be allowed to raise these kids? How the heck would that work??

She’s in no better a position now to raise them than she was 5 years ago, and you can’t just give up your kids until it’s convenient for you to raise them again.

Sure, let her have a relationship with them, eventually, (assuming she calms down about wanting them back and she’s able to fill a more aunt like role) but these kids are a part of a family now and it’s not fair to anyone to remove them from that, especially the girls. What are your parents even thinking supporting this? And obviously, NTA

mckinnos −  NTA. She gave up all rights to the kids. You could let her visit them as a favor, but ultimately Sophie and Laura are your kids now. Annie left them when it mattered most. For 5 YEARS.

If this were an open adoption where you weren’t related to Annie, everyone would be horrified by this behavior. Being family doesn’t give you a pass to be an AH.

BeepBlipBlapBloop −  NTA – They are your kids. Were it me I would give my sister the chance to be a loving and involved aunt (which is her role) with the understanding that she is not to undermine my authority/role as a parent or the kids will not be allowed to spend time with her. Until the kids are old enough to make their own decision about this you have to do what is best for them.

mlfern90 −  Damn, a five year ppd episode. Um, no. They are your kids. Way to step up and continue the good job.

Do you think the user is justified in refusing to disrupt the children’s stable lives, or should Annie be given an opportunity to reconnect with her daughters? How would you handle such a sensitive and complex family dynamic?
Share your thoughts below!