AITA For cancelling my daughters therapy because she has bad grades?

A Reddit user faced backlash for deciding to cancel his 14-year-old daughter’s therapy sessions, despite clear improvements in her mental health.

He believed therapy wasn’t worth the cost since her grades hadn’t improved, even suggesting she could earn back her sessions by performing better academically. Was this a reasonable motivational tactic, or a harmful decision?
Read the full story below!

 

‘ AITA For cancelling my daughters therapy because she has bad grades?’

My daughter (14) had anxiety problems ever since she was little but it was not severe. 3 months ago, my daughter changed drastically. She stopped eating, talking to us or her friends and her marks dropped.

We were really concerned and her teachers strongly suggested we take her to therapy which we did and she was diagnosed with severe depression and social anxiety which was expected.

The therapy sessions look like they helped her well, in the first month she already began making progress and started talking to us and her friends again and is eating whatever her mother is cooking.

We were really happy to see this and every day she would get better and better. The thing is, her marks did not. They are terrible and she ended up barely passing the year. This is what infuriated me and made me cancel her therapy sessions.

I know to some it might sound terrible, but paying $120 per session and seeing no progress in her marks makes me feel like I am seriously wasting my money (now that she returned back to normal).

Not only that but since she really enjoys going to therapy I think telling her that she needs to get higher marks to continue her therapy sessions will motivate her to study harder and thus score better marks.

My wife disagrees with my logic and we had a massive argument because of it which ended up with her saying that she is going to pay from ‘her money’ which hurt me since I see my and her money as ours.

My daughter is also really upset on me and was begging me to keep her therapy sessions but I think I am going to stick to this plan. AITA here?

EDIT: I deeply apologize for my ignorant replies and for hurting so many people. Please know that I had no intention in offending anyone and it was so upsetting to see how mental illness has affected many of you. I hope you guys can overcome this one day. I have talked to my wife and her therapy sessions will continue.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

ivi15 −  “She’s returned to normal.” I don’t think you understand how depression works.
It sounds like all you care about are her grades, and not that she gets to a better place mentally. YTA

Cricket008 −  YTA! Full stop. Taking away health care for grades isn’t just an a**hole move, it is negligence. By denying her therapy you are just going to make things worse for her, possibly cause her to backslide into depression and make her see you as the enemy since you see how therapy is helping her but you are denying that to her.

Under this logic, you keep her from getting chemo if she cancer or refuse her insulin if she had diabetes unless she got her grades up. Mental health care is no different from physical health care.

Also good for your wife in standing up to you and saying no to your a**hole decision. She is a good mom who is looking out for what is best for her child.

profmoxie −  You cancelled your daughter’s therapy that was helping her bc her grades were bad?
And you think she’ll do better and improve her grades now?. Yes, YTA.

bruuhh1234 −  YTA.. wtf you’re using your daughter’s mental health as punishment?!

[Reddit User] −  YTA. “seeing no progress” are you serious? She’s healing from depression, talking to family and friends, eating: that’s *the progress* you want to see.

I’d pay every dollar I have to see my daughter heal and feel better, who cares about the grades.
Also, depression is not something you switch on and off, saying things like “now that she’s back to normal” clearly means you know nothing about depression.

TheWellIntended −  “To some it might sound terrible”
NO, it sounds terrible to everyone. Are you insane? At least now we know why your kid needs therapy. Put her back in and apologize. It isn’t because you are pissed at her that you get to play with her mental health.. YTA times 200

Hinataismyhero −  Kind of concerned that an adult and parent would come to this conclusion. Like, who the f**k uses good mental health care as a bribe for grades?
Also, who the f**k thinks intentionally deteriorating their child’s mental health will result in good grades?. YTA. Obviously.

aprilthepotato −  YTA-. WTF OP. This is so wrong and borderline abusive. It is time that mental health is taken seriously and that your daughter’s issues are treated accordingly.
Have you thought her grades are suffering likely because of everything she is struggling with?

When I was her age and going through my own struggles with mental health, I missed so much school but thankfully I had parents who prioritised my mental health- I am now a nursing student and I wouldn’t be where I am without having learnt how to handle my mental health issues. Please educate yourself OP so you can get your daughter the best help available.

virgo_em −  YTA. When my depression developed during my second year at university, my grades plunged. Bad. I’m an honors, straight A student and started failing several tests.

I’ve been in therapy for a year and a half now and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. The reason she’s opening up and becoming more social is likely a direct result of going to therapy.
Progress takes time, it’s very unrealistic to expect her to completely improve within three months a treatment.

And the reality is, this will not motivate her to study more. She i’ll spiral back to to where she was three months ago and all progress she’s made will be reverted. Put her back into therapy, please.

[Reddit User] −  YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA you’re crazy you only care about what you daughter brings to you not her well-being. you can’t be seriously this stupid and malicious to be asking this question.

Do you think canceling therapy as a motivational tool for better grades is fair, or does it risk undoing her progress in mental health? How should parents balance academic expectations with emotional well-being? Share your thoughts below!