WIBTA if I refuse to go to my sister’s wedding because I can’t bring my girlfriend as my +1?

A Reddit user faces a difficult decision after their sister’s wedding invitation excludes their long-term girlfriend due to the fiancé’s family’s anti-gay beliefs. While other siblings are allowed to bring partners, the user feels alienated and is contemplating skipping the wedding.

Read the full story below to decide if the user’s feelings are justified or if their sister’s choice is reasonable given the circumstances.

‘ WIBTA if I refuse to go to my sister’s wedding because I can’t bring my girlfriend as my +1?’

I’m a lesbian, and I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. My family, including my sister, is all fine with me being gay and supportive of my relationship.

However, her fiancé comes from a very regressive and religious family, and while he himself is fine, his extended family is very traditional and anti-gay.

My sister gave me my invitation in person instead of mailing it, and explained that I wasn’t getting a +1 because having a gay couple at the wedding would likely end up causing lots of drama with his side of the family.

All my other siblings have +1s and are welcome to bring their (hetero) partners.
I understand where she’s coming from, but it still feels like such a slap in the face. I’m not going to try and force her to give me a +1, but I’m seriously considering not going.

I love my sister, but I’m not comfortable spending a whole day alone, while my other siblings are allowed to bring their partners, just because my sister wants to cater to a bunch of bigots.I haven’t said anything to anyone yet, but if I so stay home, would I be the a**hole?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

photosbeersandteach −  NTA. You deserve to be treated with equal respect as your other siblings.
Your sister is the AH for siding with her h**ophobic in laws and going through with marrying someone who would demand that he sister be treated with such disrespect.

Exactly how long does your sister expect you to exclude your partner or any future partner from large family events to cater to her in laws? If they have kids, will you be allowed to have a relationship with them, will they attend your wedding, what about holidays? I’m sorry you’re being treated this way.

CaroB_Melt −  NAH. As a gay man, I understand how that feels. But, your sister can invite whoever she wants. You also can decline the invite since she is excluding your partner.

I personally wouldn’t go either. I’d tell your sister I understand she is in a difficult position, but she is putting you in one as well. I would also tell her that you’re hurt that she wouldn’t stand up for you in the face of bigotry.

4ke_ −  NTA, you’re not going to ruin a wedding if you bring your girlfriend. On the other hand, a bunch of bigoted old people can ruin it if they get offended by something that doesnt even remotely affect them.
They should be the ones not going, not your partner.

theshadowppl9 −  NTA her in laws will figure out eventually that you are gay. Hiding that fact now is pointless. She should invite you and your partner and be proud to have you there. Her fiance should be supportive of that instead of his family’s backwards way of thinking. Do what is right for you.. Edited for typo

Unit-Healthy −  Skip it, and let them explain why. Nta.

ForwardPlenty −  NT. IF other siblings are getting +1 and you are being excluded because of your gay partner, then you can politely decline. She is an a**hole most foul.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Your sister is ready to hurt and insult you rather than rock the boat, because she knows you love her and will forgive her, but she wants to make a ‘good impression’ on her fiance’s family.

Your sister needs to learn to stick with principles. It’s a really bad way to start a marriage, to toss your principles just to get on the good side of hateful people. What she should do: Invite you both. If there’s a problem, it’s the fiance’s family’s problem.

She should probably tell them in advance that you guys are coming together, so you’re not faced with extreme unpleasantness once you’re there. If she won’t, you should absolutely decline to go. Let people know why.

That’s important, because if you decline, they’ll try spreading rumors about you. You’re her SISTER. You’re going to be in her life the rest of her life. What is she planning on doing in the future?

Is she going to keep you in the closet when she wants to, say, celebrate Christmas with both families? She needs to take a stand, and if she won’t, you are totally in the right to.

Personal_Lavishness4 −  NTA. They put a lot of thought into how to exclude your partner. They could have done the same effort to include.

Careful-Self-457 −  NTA- take your girlfriend to the beach and have a nice day away from your future BIL’s toxic family. And shame on your sister for not standing her ground and telling THEM that if they cannot handle it and treat you and your girlfriend with respect that THEY can stay home!

[Reddit User] −  YWNBTA. Your sister is choosing her fiancé’s family comfort over your identity. She’s letting her fiancé’s parents bigotry come first. That’s not fair to you and you deserve better treatment.

Also, what does she expect you to do at family get togethers?
Not bring your partner anytime that fiancé’s parents are at the event too? She’s basically telling them that they’re allowed to be bigots and she’ll condone it and adjust to their needs before she lets you express your identity,

Would you feel excluded in a situation like this, or do you think the sister’s decision was practical given the fiancé’s family dynamics? Should the user prioritize family harmony or stand firm in defense of their relationship?
Share your perspective in the comments below!