My wife (F30) told me that she cheated on me (M28) and I honestly don’t know what to do

A Redditor discovered his wife’s infidelity after an unexpected early return home. Initially open to working things out, he now feels disgusted and unable to look at her the same way. His devastation runs so deep that he even had thoughts of ending his own life. With his world shattered, he wonders if he’s overreacting or if divorce is the only way forward. Read the original story below…

‘ My wife (F30) told me that she cheated on me (M28) and I honestly don’t know what to do’

We have been married for over 5 and a half years. I love her so much. We finally got our own place on December 2018 and things were looking up for us. These 5 years were so magical and I always told myself that through all of our trials in life, that I would marry her again.

This past Tuesday, my lead told us that we can VTO (Volunteer Time Off. I work night shift) So my co worker gave me a ride home. (My wife and I share a car). When he dropped me off, I noticed that our car wasn’t parked in our parking spot. I thought that she parked somewhere else.

As soon as I went inside, I went to our bedroom so that I can kiss her and surprise her and let her know that I am home. The plan was to make her breakfast before she woke up to go to work. She wasn’t in the room. She wasn’t home. So I called her and asked her where she was. When she answered, she sound like she just woke up.

My heart broke because I had a feeling of what was going on. She made an excuse that she was at the store to get balloons for co-worker’s birthday. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. So I was in bed and she finally got home after 30 minutes of waiting. She sat on the bed and I asked her if she was okay.

She wouldn’t answer and began to cry. Then after 5 minutes of asking of what’s going on, she told me that she cheated on me. She said that she went out and talked to someone, got drunk and it just happened. I am sad. I honestly thought this would never happen to me. I don’t know what to do. We had a long talk about our marriage and what we would do.

We agreed that we would try to work it out, but at this time, 9/6 at 0545, I am strongly considering in divorcing her. I can’t even look at her anymore. The thought of hugging her, kissing her, touching her makes me sick to my stomach. She wants to work it out, but my heart isn’t in it anymore. What should I do? Am I overreacting? I honestly thought of killing myself. I am so sad. She was my everything.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Melzilla79 −  Please don’t kill yourself. Leaving her for cheating is not an over reaction. Killing yourself would be. I’ve been in your shoes (except my now ex husband got the girl pregnant) and I did leave, and while it took some time, I’m so much happier now.

Give yourself a chance to absorb the blow, to process the loss, to grieve. You can do this. Edit to say: check out r/survivinginfidelity. You might find the support you need right now. Edit 2: Wow, thanks for the platinum guys!

Camera_Eye −  She said that she went out and talked to someone, got drunk and it just happened. I’ll bet $100 that is a lie. You didn’t just happen to come home the night she just happened to cheat for the first time.. Trickle-truthing.

Contact an attorney, and keep pressing her for the specifics . Why did she go out drinking THAT NIGHT? Where? Was this a stranger? She went home with someone she didn’t know? Really? So many questions….and the lies have just begun.. So sorry OP.

SUTUCDME −  I suspect trickle truth here. She’s still lying. You mean to say that you just so happened to catch her on the one time she cheated on you? Seriously?
She upset she got caught and proceeding with damage control. Press her on more information, check her phone.

tuna_fart −  She’s also lying about how she cheated on you, fwtw.

Mase0ne −  You don’t have kids …make a clean break and leave. It wasn’t a one night stand…she’s in a relationship with another man…(not that it matters)….Run…

CuckyMcCuckerCuck −  Am I overreacting?. This f**king sub. You need to understand, OP, that your wife isn’t being honest with you. She’s framing it as that she happened to go out, get drunk, and cheat this one occasion (and that you just so happened to come home early the solitary time she decided to cheat??).

The truth is that this has been ongoing, potentially for a long time. Given that my advice would be to divorce. Seek support from friends, family, and particularly medical professionals regarding your thoughts of suicide.

Mysecretpassphrase −  I’m really sorry this happened to you. DO NOT do anything rash. Kill yourself? No, wrong answer. You’re overreacting if you think suicide is the answer, definitely. Divorce, yes. Suicide, no. Think of all the other people that would impact? Not fair.

She said that she went out and talked to someone, got drunk and it just happened. I’m even more sorry to say this, but do you really buy this explanation? HIGHLY unlikely it just happened once. Divorce her.

vodka_philosophy −  She is so not worth killing yourself over. Guaranteed this is not the first time, and she only told you about this one because you caught her. Absolutely divorce her (I would personally make sure to tell her what you’re thinking – that the thought of touching her makes you physically ill; she’s that disgusting to you now, but don’t tell her about any of it now;

contact an attorney asap and get all your ducks in a row then, only when the attorney tells you to, drop the divorce bomb on her). Then take a little time to grieve the relationship you thought you had with the woman you thought she was, pick yourself up, and live a life so incredibly wonderful that she kicks herself every day for losing you.

OpinionatedKitty −  She’s not even owning up to it. She’s blaming alcohol for her actions. Also, she’s only “confessing” not because she’s guilty or feels remorse, but because she knew she couldn’t lie her way out of it with the mounting evidence against her.

Remember, her first choice of actions was LIE TO YOU (balloons). If you stay with her, you’re only letting her know that you’re fine with being treated like a doormat. Don’t let her guilt trip you into staying with her, especially when SHE is the one who is guilty, not you.

[Reddit User] −  Everyone might downvote me but dude you’re really f**king stupid. Cheaters will be cheaters. You’ll just keep hurting yourself. Source: Me, did this to one of my ex girlfriends. Promised and and we talked after 2 months max, I cheated again because I went out drinking with my coworker.

Betrayal cuts deep, and healing takes time—whether together or apart. Should he fight for the marriage or walk away for his own peace? What advice would you give him? Share your thoughts.