My (f27) MIL(f26) is pregnant at the same time as me and now is throwing a baby shower the same day as me. It is all so weird and putting a strain on my relationship with my husband (M30)

A Reddit user (F27) is facing a challenging situation where her mother-in-law (F26) is pregnant at the same time as her, and is making efforts to overshadow her pregnancy in various ways. The situation has escalated with her MIL throwing a lavish baby shower on the same date as the user’s, despite knowing the date of her event.

Her husband is upset about his father’s over-involvement with his stepmother, further adding stress to the user’s pregnancy. This has caused emotional strain, leaving the user feeling unsupported and overwhelmed. Read the original story below…

‘ My (f27) MIL(f26) is pregnant at the same time as me and now is throwing a baby shower the same day as me. It is all so weird and putting a strain on my relationship with my husband (M30)’

I have been married to my husband James for nearly 3 years now together for 7. We met at uni and have been going strong ever since. James dad, Erik, divorced his ex wife 4 years ago. He then met his now wife Mindy and married her very quickly. It was a whole drama at our wedding because Erik brought Mindy and they were being really mean to James mom, Sarah (who is the greatest MIL in the world).

After that James distanced himself a bit from Erik. They got back into regular contact a year ago. We usually have lunch at their place once a moth or so. And it has been going great. We can’t get past that Erik’s wife is younger than us, but we try to ignore it. A few months ago we found out we were pregnant. It was not planed but we are very happy non the less.

We broke the news tow every one in person. We didn’t do cheesy gifts or anything. So then came the lunch at Erik’s place and we told him. And without even congratulating us he told us “Mindy is pregnant too!!!”. Since then Erik and Mindy go out of their way to “outshine” my pregnancy.

It is really stupid but I feel like I am in some kinda race? For example you know how you can get either a Standart ultrasound or one of those 4d ones? I posted my Standart one on isntagram and 4 minutes after that Mindy posts hers that is one of the fancy ones and she tags (!!!) me.

She basically said this “this is more expensive but so worth it to see the little one in detail! @op I recommend to get this one the next time 😉” It irked me so much and idk why! It’s just a stupid posts. But what took the cake that she put her baby shower date on the same date as mine. She knew when I was having it because she asked me.

She made it a whole Facebook event. Erik is very affluent so they are going all out. I am talking a hired band, fancy virgin cocktails with a barista, a whole ass venue etc. Ofcourse James family is torn because while I invited them first they also want to go to mindies party and support Erik. James now wants to cancel the baby shower all together. He is really bitter.

Specially because he feels like this baby is a do over child for his father as Erik is now more involved than he was with James. Instead of enjoying what should be our wonderful journey to parenthood, James is always fuming and bitter about his father. And that leads to me, a pregnant and hormonal insecure woman, to be in a constant state of stress.

I cry almost everyday and I can’t enjoy this pregnancy. The pregnancy alone is very difficult as I have high blood pressure, backnee, nausea, and everytime I sneeze I feel like I peed my pants. I just need help or even just some encouragement. Thanks so much.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

coastalkid92 −  Oof, yeah this sounds rough.. Can I give some tough advice? Block his Dad and his wife on social media. Don’t play into that, do what is best for you and your mental health because it’ll serve baby better. As for the shower, if you can move it, then move it.

Otherwise, make it clear to family and friends that there is no hard feelings if they want to support Mindy and Erik, try to be the bigger person. And then comes the hardest part, talking to your husband about disengaging from this. Right now, you should both be enjoying this time together and taking a step back from his dad and that whole situation might be best.

[Reddit User] −  Do you think this is going to stop after baby is born?. “My baby is bigger!”. “My baby is crawling already!” “My baby can already say 10 words and is only 2 mos old!” They are going to try to outstage you forever!

ZenMoonstone −  Think about how fun it will be when your child calls her grandma. But seriously, I’d disengage and focus on your precious one.

jazz86 −  My step mother is 8 years younger than me. My youngest sibling is 4. Every pregnancy of my own…they tried to outshine me etc. At the end of the day, the family and friends who made an effort for us are so very appreciated.

It’s your mil and fil problem if they feel the need to latch on to everything you guys do. Call them out? Ask they move their dates etc…I mean your husband is FILs son too.

Complete_Entry −  Flush Erik and Mindy out of your lives entirely. They can’t “WIN” if there’s no game.

ArthurBooRadleyy −  Info diet. Shut it all down. No more sharing or inviting them to your stuff. This isn’t going to end well so the longer you two play along like it will, the more pain you’ll be in. Wish them well then shut them out.

Plan your family in peace knowing that this weirdo couple isn’t there to compete with you. If they reach out, have your husband tell them that some lines were crossed and right now the most important thing is the health of the baby and the baby’s parents.

Let them know that their behavior has caused stress and resentment which is not welcomed and shouldn’t be worked out at this sensitive time. The idea is to inform them, don’t sit and argue about it because it’s not a discussion. Just let them know what’s up. If they’re upset, oh well, not your problem.

I’m sorry that such a happy time is being twisted into something weird and ugly. If his family is torn then try to make memories with other people. Sometimes the family you choose is more important and caring than the family you’re given. Congrats on the baby and good luck with everything!

rustyrocks06 −  Cut them out of your life and honestly, any family who doesn’t show for yours isn’t worth having anyways.

haleedee −  This is literally the same plot of the movie “what to expect when you’re expecting” with Elizabeth Banks

arobkinca −  Is the title correct? Is your MIL 4 years younger than your husband?

chipsnsalsa13 −  Block your MIL and FIL and go low contact with them. You need to focus on you and the family you are about to start. Don’t play into the drama.
I wouldn’t move your shower date. I feel like it plays directly into what they want. But do what feels best for you.

Proper etiquette dictates that you attend the event you RSVPD first but not everyone follows that and you can decide how to handle that. Personally I would go low contact with those people for awhile because I would have a hard time not being upset.

I think your husband will need some therapy regarding this. It won’t be easy going low contact with his Dad and if this is a “do over” child he will really need therapy to sort out his feelings. I’m really sorry this is happening. Try not to let this negativity mar what is truly a happy occasion.

It’s tough to navigate feelings of competition, especially when it comes from someone so close. When family dynamics get messy, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and unsupported. How can you handle being happy for your own journey while dealing with these emotional challenges? What would you do in her shoes? Share your advice and thoughts below!