I (F24) am slowly falling in love with my flatmate (M22)

A Reddit user finds herself caught in a whirlwind of emotions as she realizes she’s falling for her flatmate, who has a strict rule against dating roommates. Their close friendship, shared routines, and his unexpected compliments make her wonder if he might feel the same way. But with a recent breakup and the risk of disrupting their living situation, she’s torn on whether to confess or keep her feelings to herself. Read the original story below…

‘ I (F24) am slowly falling in love with my flatmate (M22)’

So, I am living in this shared flat since August 2019 and, considering my past with other shared flats, I couldn’t be happier. We are four people in the flat, and three of us are University students and here most of the time. Two of those people are me and my flatmate (M22).

We know each other from work and he was the one offering me to move in since they got a free room and I desperately tried to move out of my old flat in another city. We get along with each other pretty well: we wake up almost at the same time, drink coffee together, talk a lot and even play League of Legends together from time to time.

We listen to each others’ problems and fixed many of the small issues they had in the flat before I moved in. Over the past few months, however, I started to get a fuzzy feeling in my stomach whenever I am around him. I can control it now, but I caught myself staring after him as he exits the room, sigh whenever I receive a message from him, the usual “butterflies-in-the-stomach” kind of thing.

On top of that, he’s exactly my type… he does a lot of sport, which you can clearly see, he’s tall, blonde and has a fascinating eye color. Here’s the issue, though: He has a clear rule that says “no romantic relationships between flatmates at all”. Besides, I know his type of women and I don’t fulfill the “appearance”-criteria.

If that wasn’t enough, I recently had a breakup with my long-distance boyfriend (M24) because of said distance getting in the way too much, and I’m not sure if I’m ready yet for another commitment. (Before you ask, no, I never cheated on my Ex and I didn’t tell him about my upcoming feelings for my flatmate. We’ve been together for 2 years).

Sometimes, however, I get the feeling my flatmate is checking me out as well, like, when we talk, his voice softens and calms down. One day, as we were walking over the campus to our next class, we talked about something and I saw a squirrel and yelled “Look, a squirrel!” and he just started laughing declaring me “cute as hell” for completely disrupting our conversation to point out such a tiny thing.

I don’t know if I am reading something into it that is not there or that he really is considering asking me out, I can’t tell… He helped me a lot with my relationship with my Ex and was very supportive, as well as very shocked when I announced to him that my Ex and I broke up. He, of course, doesn’t know about my feelings towards him.

I am afraid to talk about this with him as I don’t want to ruin a) my relationship with him and b) the atmosphere in the flat. Moving out is out of the question as I live in a very expensive city for a lone student. I really don’t know what to do here.

update here: Update: I (F24) am slowly falling in love with my flatmate (M22)

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

helluvamom −  If you are unsure where he stands and unsure of how this will affect your living situation, it’s prob best to keep it to yourself for now. See how it plays out. If he likes you too, and is willing to break his own rules then he’ll step up. For now consider this: what is the most important to you? Your living situation or this possibility of a relationship with him? The answer to that question dictates what you do.

lickybumbum69420 −  If moving out is out of the question for you I wouldn’t pursue this. Things can get messy really quick. There are SOO many more options out there, why pick the one that could compromise your living situation?

CapriciousCupofTea −  Personally, there’s no reason not to be honest with him. And it sounds like it will be on your mind until you get this off your chest, or find someone else. If you seem to continue to get signals from him, you might consider having a chat.

Be clear that you might be developing feelings and that you understand if he doesn’t reciprocate. I think there are plenty of ways to approach a potential crush and not ruin the friendship if it doesn’t work out.

The_Kolobok −  If he has a rule and also helped with your previous relationship not so long ago, then I think it’s better to wait. I don’t want to scare you, but he could see it as jumping from one relationship to another. This rule is made to avoid drama. Also, you need some time to figure your feelings out, especially after distant relationship.

decoy88 −  Date other men. Kill that feeling.

supersoup- −  It’s most likely a phase from being coped up together for so long. You should respect his rule as it’s there for a reason he probably had a similar encounter before.

[Reddit User] −  Update??

jbird669 −  Serious question here: are you male or female?

Misael_C44 −  Major W

Faysiemac −  This happened to me and my flat mate at university. There were just the two of us living in a flat together for nearly a year. We’ve been married for 24 years now. I think sometimes you have to just take that leap of faith and let the person know how you feel.

Love can blossom in unexpected places, but is it worth the risk when it could disrupt a great living situation? Should she follow her heart or keep things as they are? What would you do? Share your thoughts below!