AITA for kicking my son’s girlfriend out of our house?

A Reddit user recounts their first meeting with their son’s girlfriend, who opened with an unexpected and shocking comment.

The encounter ended with the girlfriend being asked to leave, leaving the user questioning whether their reaction was justified. Read the full story below to weigh in on whether the user’s response was fair or too harsh.

‘ AITA for kicking my son’s girlfriend out of our house?’

My husband (58 M) and I (56 F) recently met my son’s (24 M) girlfriend for the first time. He’s been crazy about her. Apparently they’ve been dating for a year before he decided to have her meet us officially.

What he’s told us about her all seems great: she just got her degree, was enjoying her job, family-oriented, etc., I’m honestly just glad he’s happy with her.
My husband and I don’t think he’s ever been this into someone before, so I feel pretty bad about what I did.

Last weekend, he brought her over for dinner. By now we’d been anticipating meeting her with how much our son has been gushing about her. How perfect she is, that she’s ‘the one’, in his words.

They ring the doorbell. We open the door. She looks exactly like her pictures, which is a great start. My son is grinning ear to ear – another great start. We invite them in. She accepts my hug and a firm handshake from my husband, and then she opens her mouth: “I’m the one your son puts his penis in.”

To be frank, I was appalled. I expected my husband to laugh (both he and my son are jokesters, and as annoying as it can be I love it) but THIS was just too much for me.

Maybe I’m reserved, but of all things she could have shared about my son she told us THAT. One look at my face and my husband knew how much I disapproved.

Maybe I let my expectations get too high, and it’s unfair to have them, but I reiterate: of all things to say to her boyfriend’s parents – whom she’d never met – she chose THAT?
My son was amused at first but when he noticed my reaction his face dropped.

I felt like he’d sold me the full package, everything he’d always been looking for in a girlfriend. I was too disturbed by the visual it put in my head, and it translated into anger.

I told her to get out, and I wanted to say more about how gross it made me feel but I fortunately left it at that. My son didn’t want to go, insisting I give her another chance, but I was too fed up and uncomfortable by this point.

Even my husband, who’s enjoyed his fair share of raunchy jokes, wouldn’t let up. They left and I immediately felt guilty. This was something my son had really looked forward to and I feel like I took that away over a dumb joke.

I tried calling to apologize but he hasn’t responded. My husband thinks she’s the one who should apologize. I’m considering giving her another chance, but before I do, was I the AH? EDIT: I should clear some things up:

My husband had no part in my reaction, I did the kicking out, not him. I don’t want him taking the fall for this. He said she should apologize, but I’m not expecting an apology. Sorry for the confusion.

My son lives in a nearby state, it can take about an hour to get back to where we live. He also hasn’t dated anyone seriously for a while, maybe a couple of years. He told us before that he wouldn’t bring anyone home unless he’s sure he wants a future with her. We’ve been asking to meet her ever since he told us about her, but he wanted to be ready.

The comment about her looking like her picture shows my age, sorry for that! He’s only shown us her photos she’s sent him as he apparently didn’t have any of them together (he hates taking pictures and apparently she’s always teasing him about it).

I don’t think he’d ever lie about who she is, but it’s just a parental concern I’ve subconsciously had. I felt the same way about my daughter’s (then) boyfriend when we first met him. I don’t have any criteria that either of my kids’ spouses need to meet, I just hope my kids are happy with them.

What I meant by her being ‘the full package’ was indicative of what he’s told us about her. As his parents we have a good idea of what he looks for in a partner and she checked off everything based on what we’d been told.

And on top of everything (aside from what she said) her appearance was how she presented it to be. Again, we aren’t strict about appearances, it’s just a relief to have met someone for the first time and they look like what you’d expected. My husband said that I was worried about ‘second-hand catfishing’ if that’s even a thing lol.

I guess it shows how anxious I was about this. Also thank you for your comments and rewards! I’ve had a fee people reach out to me personally, too, thank you for that. Regardless of where you stand, I appreciate it.

I personally think everyone needs some room for improvement here but I’ve done my part to make amends and I’m waiting on my son to call me! I’ll be sure to give an update about how it goes.

UPDATE: Thanks for reaching out everyone. My son got in touch with me. His girlfriend agreed to try again. We all met at a restaurant my son and his girlfriend chose. The first thing she said was an apology for what she said.

I apologized for my reaction. We hugged. It was nice. She then explained how my son had convinced her a joke like that would land well, and that she wouldn’t have said it if she didn’t think we’d like it.

According to my son, she was reluctant to open with any jokes at all, but they came up with that one together on the way over. You guys were right! She’s a really sweet girl. She’s actually very mature, too. I see why my son likes her so much.

My husband and I really like her, we told our son to bring her when he visits. We look forward to seeing them again. Overall, I’m glad we could start over. On the right foot this time. Thanks, everyone for your input.

Check out how the community responded:

Mamamamymysherona −  NTA. I’m pretty liberal, and open minded, but FFS I’d never lead with that meeting my BF’s parents for the first time. Or say that, EVER. Like, seriously? You opened the door and that’s what flies out of her mouth?

Was she nervous? Did she seem embarrassed at all? Did she try to apologize? Is there anything that could explain her inappropriate outburst? You apologized. Wow. Hats off to you.

Neither of you can do anything to change what happened, and it’s up to her to accept the apologies or not. Don’t beat yourself up. If she is decent at all, she’ll understand. If she’s not, then maybe good riddance?

Edit: If she doesn’t call back to apologize, or explain (if there’s anything to explain), that also says a lot. It’s more than what she said, if you apologized it’s also about her desire to meet you in the middle, you the mother of the boyfriend she loves. Grace goes both ways, you extended yours by apologizing, if she was offended, she should do the same.

Munchkins_nDragons −  NTA. This just doesn’t sit right. You said your son was all big smiles and amusement when they arrived and up until he son realized you weren’t all that impressed. You also said he jokes around like that with his dad…

What are the chances it was your sons idea all along and she just (regretfully) went along with it?
Because if that’s the case, you probably can’t get ahold of him because he’s doing damage control with his girlfriend who’s now mortified and angry that his *super funny joke* gave you the worst impression of her that she could imagine.

GraveDancer40 −  ESH. The gf made an inappropriate joke. I don’t know why. Possibly her family makes those kind of jokes so she thought it’d be fine. Maybe your son put her up to it. Maybe they both agreed it’d be funny. It crossed a line for you and that’s fine.But kicking her out so quickly was a complete overreaction.

Ignoring it and just carrying on like it didn’t happen or even just pointing out the inappropriateness of it would have been fine. But your reaction was too much.

archetyping101 −  NTA.
I am the biggest jokester around. I love inappropriate jokes. I love making people cringe. But there’s a time and place and reading the room. I would NEVER do that as my first impression with my partner’s parents.

If into the evening we’re all getting along, sure maybe we’ll get there and we’ll all have a laugh, but not as the first words out of her mouth. Did you react well? No. Do I blame you? Nope.

Did she even try to apologize before leaving? Like read the room, saw and heard you shooing her away, and did she go “OMG I totally started this off poorly and that joke was wholly inappropriate. I am SO sorry?”?

Slight_Necessary8246 −  NTA. I think you guys just need a do over. She may have been nervous or thought it would go differently. I can’t say that’s ever a line that should be uttered, but it’s not something to permanently damage your relationship with your son and his partner.

She should apologize, but I don’t know if she will. Hopefully, years from now, you guys will all laugh about how awkward the start of your relationship was.

throwaway__467 −  It’s hard to say for sure because I don’t know her that well yet, but I think she was anxious, too much to realize what she said was inappropriate, so if she was embarrassed I couldn’t tell. I also don’t think I gave her much of a chance since it all happened so fast. I’ll try to reach out to my son about it!

Ambitious_Key331 −  I’m going to go with ESH. Hear me out, I am ONLY giving that judgment because what she said was very inappropriate. Maybe I’m a prude but to me, you don’t say “I’m the one your son puts his penis in” as a greeting to someone’s parents the first time you meet them.

My family joke when meeting someone for the first time but it’s never by saying something that vulgar. That should come after you get to know someone better first. Kicking them out over it was a bit extreme though.

She may have been told about your husband’s sense of humor and used it to break the ice or she could have run it by your son and he could have told her it would be ok. Without talking to her or your son, there is no way to know for sure why she thought to say something like that.

Personally, I would message your son something along the lines of: “I just want to apologize for how I reacted. While I find what she said to be highly inappropriate, I could have handled the situation better.

Moving forward, I would like another chance to get to know her and hopefully start off on a better foot”. If they don’t respond, don’t pressure them but give them a chance to make the next move.

lexiirichter −  NTA. not sure why anyone thinks that this is an acceptable thing to say to your boyfriend’s parents the FIRST time you meet them. i understand she was likely nervous, but that doesn’t make this any less of a weird thing to say

Schafer_Isaac −  NTA I mean I totally get why you felt so emotional about that, that’s pretty gross to say and I can’t speak to your husband/sons joking nature but *that? On the first time she met you*?. Just sheesh.
I’d want an explanation of how that could ever be acceptable conduct.

If this wasn’t some elaborate joke, she’s probably a 10 on the crazy scale (which means she’s not really relationship material, I can find you the chart)

Connolly1227 −  I feel like there’s something about the way this is worded that is making me feel some
Type of way. I get that that is a super weird thing to say to a so’s parents you’re meeting for the first time but the way you’re talking makes it honestly seem like she needed to pass some test or something that was pass or fail so I think ESH

Do you think the user’s reaction was justified, or should they have handled the situation differently to give the girlfriend a second chance? How would you respond to such an unexpected comment from a guest meeting your family for the first time? Share your thoughts below!