AITA for telling my sister to stop using the word family on me like it’s supposed to mean something?

A Reddit user shares their tense conversation with their sister, who pressured them to attend family gatherings despite years of estrangement after being kicked out for being gay at 15.

When the user declined and highlighted their contentment with their chosen family, the discussion turned heated, culminating in a sharp retort about what family truly means.
Read the full story below to explore the complexities of forgiveness and boundaries in family relationships.

‘ AITA for telling my sister to stop using the word family on me like it’s supposed to mean something?’

As stated in a prior post I was kicked out at 15 for being gay. From 15 to 35 I had no contact with my family. Over the years they have somehow managed to work their way back into my life. Only in a small capacity.

My sister who is younger than me called earlier and asked what me and my husband were doing for Thanksgiving. I told her that it was just us and that we were just going to have a nice dinner and probably watch TV for the night.

And go to bed early. She told me that she was having dinner and that we need to show up. I told her thank you but this was the first set of holidays in ten years that I didn’t have to host and I was planning on staying home and just putting on a fresh pair of pajamas after a shower and not going anywhere. She then asked about Christmas and I told her the same thing.

She then asked when it would be a good time to get together. I told her point blank that I wasn’t all that interested given our history and that I was perfectly happy with how things were at this point.

This was when she got pissed off and started to yell at me saying that I need to start acting more a part of the family and that I need to let go of the past. She told me that we as “Family” need to try and bridge the gap and move forward in a positive way.I told her no we don’t. We hardly know each other. We are very much strangers.

I also told her she needs to stop throwing the word family around like it is supposed to mean something to me. When we started to talk again when I was 35 when our dad died her and my brother constantly berated me and told me that I need to just let them deal with everything that needed to be done. I never disagreed with them.

I told them them that they could handle it. I was berated when our mother was sick for not visiting her in the hospital or when she was home. I really don’t have much of a relationship with my mom and she is a pretty good stranger as well so it didn’t really matter. I threw everything back in her face.

Before we hung up she reminded me that it wasn’t my husbands blood that runs through my body. And blood is thicker than water. I told her no. My husbands blood did not in fact run through my body. But his semen did and that was close enough. I thought my husband was going to wet his pants.

So AITA for telling my sister to stop using the word family like it means something?. ​. Edit.
Good Morning everyone. I hope that you are all having a great day. First I wanted to say Thank you for all the responses, awards and everything else in between. This has been completely insane. I never thought this would go so far.

I have tried to read every single response but there are so many that it will take hours to get through them all. I wanted to do this edit to fill in some blanks so to speak. When I was kicked out I was 15 and my sister was 8.

So she did not have anything to do with what happen. But she had every opportunity to find me after a certain point. When she was 16 and had her own car she could have come find me.

When she was 18 and on her own she could have come to find me. She never did. When our dad died it was a friend of mine who talked me into going so that I could maybe find some kind of peace with what happen all those years ago.

She and another friend went with. My husband (boyfriend at the the time) had to work and couldn’t get the time off. Initially I was greeted with surprise and thank you for coming. But then with hostility from my sister and brother.

If they for a minute thought I was out to get something from them or our dads estate they were wrong. I wanted nothing. And to this day I still don’t. My siblings have always told me what my place in the family is.

Which is basically I’m window dressing. I have been told that I have no business in knowing anything about the family finances, family affairs or anything. I think that they are afraid that I could potentially take something that they want or are supposed to get.

A couple of weeks ago my mom asked me to read over some financial paperwork that she didn’t understand. Reluctantly I agreed but once my sister found out she screamed at me for putting my nose into areas that I don’t belong.

I told my mom not to ask me for anything again because I will not be involved. I have been asked a few times why I do keep in contact with them. The answer is because it’s my way of keeping ahead of them.

I do not voluntarily make contact with them. I have no reason to. I keep my Facebook locked down to the point that I don’t show my city, my job, my phone number nothing. But I can see all of their stuff.

This works because they post a lot and if I see that they are having problems with whatever the case maybe then I can work to make sure that if they ask for something I can not answer or just ignore them all together.

Plus it does give an open avenue for communication in the even of a major emergency. Plus maybe I still hold onto a hope that they will maybe at some time they will actually apologize. But I don’t see that ever being the case.

I have been asked if my mom has ever apologized. No she has not. And she never will. She is from a generation where parents don’t apologize to their kids. Because that would mean they did something wrong.

She is from a generation where kids were to be seen and not heard. I guess it comes down to this. My family has formed this dynamic that I will never be apart of or want to be apart of. And I’m okay with that.

I was not asked to come to Thanksgiving or Christmas. I was told that I will be there. Why??? I don’t know. Then when I declined twice things got ugly. Thank you all for all your replies and support!!!

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

SunlitFable −  NTA. I feel like it would interest her to know the REAL saying: “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. bonds formed by choice run deeper than those by relation. (edit to add this is apparently not actually the true saying, my apologies for misinformation! thank you to the commenters who let me know i was wrong ♥)

[Reddit User] −  NTA The last paragraph made me bust out laughing. No, you’re not the a**hole. She lost the ability to call you family when she abandoned you with the rest of them.

AdillaBean −  NTA. I HATE when people use “family” to manipulate people into doing what they want. Family means NOTHING without the actions to back it up. Kicking a kid out at 15 is pretty unforgivable if you ask me, so you owe them literally nothing. Well done for standing up for yourself and I’m HOWLING at your final line, so good.

rennykrin −  NTA, I am *crying* at your parting shot to her. You’re totally within your rights to tell these strangers to step off.

wh0d47 −  NTA. I would say semen is thicker than blood. Edit: thank you for the award kind redditor!

justa_testdrive −  NTA please just Cut them off entirely

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Your sister thinks YOU should act like family, despite your family NOT acting like family. You don’t kick a 15-year-old out on street, period. Not if you’re a decent human being.
And does your sweet little sis know about the v\*rus going around? You’re much better off staying at home.

wheres_peeves −  NTA. I’m rolling lol. As someone who has a toxic relationship with their family, I feel you. Being genetically related in no way excuses what they did.

My personal philosophy is, an individual’s behavior dictates the level they are involved in my personal life, not genetic relation.
Do what’s best for you, find your joy and f**k everyone else.

MaddyKet −  The actual quote is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”, so she’s wrong.
NTA and no one should travel anyways bc of Covid.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. They rejected you but now years later you are supposed to forget all that? No, that isn’t how it works. Where was their “but we’re family” bs when they kicked you out at 15? Yeah.

Do you think the user was justified in setting firm boundaries with their estranged family, or should they have considered their sister’s effort to reconnect? How would you approach rebuilding family ties after a history of estrangement?
Share your thoughts and perspectives below!