AITA for refusing to split rent with my boyfriend?

A Reddit user shared their conflict with their boyfriend over rent payments. The couple moved into a downtown Chicago apartment owned by the user’s father, who generously waived rent for their daughter but charges the boyfriend a heavily discounted $400 monthly rent.

When the boyfriend asked the user to split the cost, they refused, arguing the situation is fair given their father’s terms. Read the full story below to decide if they’re in the wrong.

‘ AITA for refusing to split rent with my boyfriend?’

I (F23) have been dating my boyfriend “Jake” (M23) since our freshmen year of college. In our last year of undergrad, we decided to rent an apartment together. We split everything 50/50, including utilities, groceries, and rent.

We continued living together in the same town as our college after graduation, but recently, we both got jobs in Chicago and we are currently living downtown. My dad works in real estate, and he has multiple investment properties.

My dad generously allowed me to live in one of his properties rent free, but he said that my boyfriend would have to pay him $400 a month for rent. My dad is very protective, but he has been nothing but kind to my boyfriend.

My dads reasoning for making my boyfriend pay rent is that he wants to be sure that my boyfriend is with me for me, and not because he will have a free place to live. (Keep in mind, if my dad was renting this apartment out to tenants, he would charge $2100 a month for rent. Very ritzy building in the middle of downtown Chicago).

My boyfriend is mad at me because he asked me for my half of the $400 for rent, and I explained to him that I will not be paying rent. My dad is only charging him. He says that we have been splitting rent for the past 2 years so why would we stop now? Our rent in our college town was $1200, so we were both paying $600 a month.

Our apartment in Chicago is significantly nicer and he is paying $200 less a month than what he was in college. Is the idea that my DAD doesn’t charge me for rent, but charges my boyfriend so crazy?

Should I suck it up and pay half because I can afford it? EDIT: Jake and I still split utilities and groceries 50/50, and when we go out on date nights, we switch off who pays for it. If he pays one week, i’ll pay the next.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

zadidoll −  **NTA**
Rent isn’t $400, it’s $2,100. Point out that if he wants to split rent then do so by having your dad charge the full amount which means his portion is $1,050. Pay your dad that & dad can give it back to you or put it in escrow to save for a future house.
The $400 is a major discount for him & dad lets you have it for free.
Edit: thank you all for the awards! Much appreciated.

stacity −  NTA. A nice ritzy building – check. Located in downtown – check. Only $400/month – double check. Near your jobs – check. Getting the family discount from GF’s dad – check. What more does your BF want?

Clearly he’s not seeing the bigger picture. He’s getting a lot of perks because of you and he only has to pay a fraction of the rent. Doesn’t he realize that millions don’t have that luxury in these critical times of the economy? Plus he’s failing miserably with your dad’s ‘test.’ Your dad’s suspicions are kinda right.

SlinkyMalinky20 −  NTA but I think your dad might see something in your boyfriend that he’s hoping you will soon see.. Gold!! Thank you for the award!

[Reddit User] −  I think your dad just showed a lot of who Jake is. Explain that rent is $2100 a month, and he is expected to pay $400. You are paying $1700, but you are receiving support from your family to do so. If he would like to split rent, he is welcome to pay $1050.. Your boyfriend is either:. 1) Greedy and disingenuous, or. 2) Stupid.. Either way, it’s not attractive.

kr0mb0pulos_michael −NTA.Your boyfriend needs to understand that it’s not that you aren’t paying rent. Just that your dad is paying your share. Put him in your shoes. If his parents covered his rent, would he be obligated to also cover half of your half?

[Reddit User] −  NTA As someone who lived in Chicago for the better part of 10 years I have a hard time understanding why your boyfriend isn’t on his knees level of grateful. 400 anywhere in the city would be a huge deal, but downtown?? Is he nuts?? Look, do I think your dad’s logic is a little screwy and not necessary? Yes.

But this is so not a hill to die on, your father is doing you guys one hell of a favor at great expense to himself no less!
Your bf needs to look at the big picture instead of being petty over 200 bucks.

Why is more important to him that you guys split than it is to save money overall?Like, his choice is not between paging 400 or 200, it’s between paying 400 or 1050.. Dude. 🙄

tessaesque −  Gentle ESH. This sounds like a really good way to build resentment. You’ve been together awhile, and your dad is still questioning your bf’s loyalty. Is there justification for this?

Why does anybody think it’d appropriate for your father to put your BF through some weird litmus test? Do you agree with your dad that your bf’s intentions need to be proven by financial control? What is your BF supposed to say here?

Is he supposed to be thrilled that your father is treating him like a potential enemy rather than another person who loves his daughter and wants to care for her? I don’t think this is really about the money for him, so much as it’s insulting to be told the reason he has to pay when you don’t is because he’s untrustworthy with your heart.. So ESH because:

1. You’re an adult and your dad is pitting you against your BF by implying you can’t trust his intentions. Rather than have an adult conversation with you, he’s manipulating the situation to his favor to test your BF, and quite frankly you should be insulted that he doesn’t trust your judgment enough to talk with you about his concerns in a tangible and open way.

2. You think it’s perfectly reasonable for your dad to test your BF’s loyalty through financial control.

3. Your BF isn’t communicating well, focusing on financial equality when the issue is an opinion your father has and his ability to exercise control over your choices and your BF’s by offering you something you can’t refuse, even when it signals unhealthy behaviors and sets a precedent that your BF may always be challenged and made to feel a need to repeatedly prove himself.

There’s no such thing as a free ride. Being told to pay rent is a reasonable ask. It’s the WHY here that makes the whole situation gross. It isn’t about ensuring responsibility or minimizing financial losses. It’s about keeping you and your BF under his thumb.

devlin94 −  NTA. It seems your bf is failing your dad’s test miserably. BF should be kissing dad’s feet for being so generous!

BigBigBigTree −  So you’ve lived with this guy for like two years paying rent, and your dad is like “I want to make sure he’s not just using you” ?? ?? ?? Like he’s playing a five+ year long con just to scam you for an apartment?!?!??!?

And you’re fine with your dad treating him that way? Your dad is an a**hole for that being the reason that he wants rent, and you’re definitely bordering on a**hole for going along with it.

Pay your dad $400/month in addition to your BF’s $400. You can afford it, and that way you can tell your dad to back the f**k off of your relationship and his weird judginess.

brokeanail −  edit: YTA, you and your dad, for changing the fair deal you and your boyfriend had so you could give him some insulting loyalty test, etc etc, there’s a whole paragraph downthread. INFO: was Jake fully aware of this setup when you moved in? If so, why did he think you’d be paying half of the rent?. (edited for spelling)

Do you think the Redditor is justified in refusing to split the rent since her father set the terms, or should she contribute to maintain fairness in their relationship? How would you handle finances in a situation like this?

Share your thoughts and join the discussion below!