AITA for not letting my kids go on vacation with my ex because it’s my time with them.?

A Reddit user shared their challenging co-parenting dilemma: their ex planned a Disneyland trip for their kids during a week that falls under their custody. Sticking to a long-standing rule of not giving up their parenting time, they refused the request, sparking anger from their children and accusations from their ex.

Read the full story below to decide if they made the right choice.

‘ AITA for not letting my kids go on vacation with my ex because it’s my time with them.?’

So right now both of my kids (16 year old son and 9 year old daughter) and my ex are extremely mad at me because I won’t give up my appointed time with them. My son wont even talk to me and my daughter is crying all the time.. ​

A little backstory. Me and my ex divorced shortly after my daughter was born. I blame him for it and he blames me. I won’t go into detail here. We ended up with a 50/50 custody agreement switching every other week.

While this was 8 years ago we’re still not on good terms. We rarely ever talk to each other outside of the kids and i’m perfectly fine with that. One thing we have agreed on since the beginning though is that we don’t plan things on days that aren’t ours.

And unless it’s extremely important we don’t “switch” days or weeks. In the 8 years since we’ve been divorced I have never asked him to have the kids on a day that isn’t mine and I’ve never given him one of my days even if he begged.. ​

Well, last week my ex contacted me and told me the “good” news. His parents are hosting a week long family reunion in the summer at Disneyland and he want’s to take the kids. Well, the problem is that it’s on one of my weeks.

He asked me to let the kids stay with him that week or to switch a week with me and I shot him down. It’s my week with them and I get to spend it with them. I told him if it’s so important to him to reschedule but he claims his parents can’t do that and this is the only week that the whole family can go and he told me that I need to “think of them”.

I told him “tough luck” and hung up on him.. ​ Well, this last Sunday when my ex dropped the kids off with me my son refused to talk to me at all and my daughter wouldn’t even look at me.

When I asked my ex what was wrong he refused to talk to me, only saying “ask them” in a snarky tone before leaving. When I asked my daughter what was wrong she burst into tears and said that i was “not letting daddy take them to Disneyland”.

Asking my son (who still refuses to talk to me) it turns out that my ex told them I was not letting them go to Disneyland with him. He’s trying to paint me as the bad guy. I sat both of them down last night to talk to them and explain it’s my week with them but they refused to listen to me. My daughter just cried and my son told me i’m only doing this to get back at my ex.. ​

I’m not though. I think its unfair for him to do this when his parents scheduled it during my time with them. I demanded an apology from my ex and him to set things straight but he refuses, and his last text to me being “can’t tell them the truth cause they already know it”.. ​

I’m so pissed right now. Am i the a**hole because my ex scheduled something during MY time with MY kids? How is it my fault that i’m only using my right to spend time with them?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

[Reddit User] −  YTA. Your ex gave you months of notice for this trip. Have you ever been to Disney? That’s the kind of trip that takes a lot of planning, especially if your ex is trying to coordinate it with a large extended family.

If this is the only weekend that his whole family can go, then do you really think this is the kind of thing that can be rescheduled so easily? He’s trying to paint me as the bad guy. That’s because you are the bad guy.

You are being incredibly small, selfish and petty, and it sounds like you are using this opportunity to get back at your ex and his family somehow. What you are really doing is damaging your relationship with your kids.

This drama isn’t even about your kids, it’s about you and how you are being (in your opinion) so, so wronged. If you value your kids and your relationship with them, be flexible.

illidra −  YTA.. You.. Are.. 100%. The.. A**hole. He’s trying to paint me as the bad guy. In this situation you are the bad guy, telling them that you said they cant go to Disneyland isn’t a lie, it’s not painting you as a villain, its just the cold hard truth of the matter. My daughter just cried and my son told me i’m only doing this to get back at my ex.

That’s exactly what you are doing, you are denying your kids a large family holiday at Disney because you’re too selfish and petty to change weeks.. I demanded an apology from my ex There is 0 reason for him to apologise here, he asked you to swap because his Parents planned something and you said no. And him to set things straight but he refuses.

There is nothing to set straight here, you’re being selfish, unreasonable and using your children as a weapon. Am i the a**hole because my ex scheduled something during MY time with MY kids? How is it my fault that i’m only using my right to spend time with them?

You are such a f**king a**hole, you’re denying your kids something that they clearly want to do and treating them like objects.
Take a step back, pull your f**king head out of your ass and think about what is best for your children here instead of how you can be pissy and pedantic and “Win” over your ex.

heygirl333 −  How are you the evil step mom to your own kids?. YTA.

[Reddit User] −  You wanna know why you guys broke up? You.

Fulham999 −  YTA you’re stopping your kids from having a vacation at Disney because you’re too petty to swap a week? I completely understand why your kids are pissed at you.

Swiollvfer −  YTA. . My ex told them I was not letting them go to Disneyland with him. Well, he’s not lying. He offered to switch a week, and you refused. You are punishing your kids because you want that week instead of other, and I see no sign about that particular week being specially important for you.

Therefore, I have to agree with your son: my son told me i’m only doing this to get back at my ex.. ​ Or do you have any other reason that I failed to understand?

love2bme −  YTA you won’t compromise with him and switch days because you’ve never asked to change weeks with him? How petty of you. Even if you don’t have a good relationship with your ex think of the children, the only person you’re really hurting from not letting them go is them which they’re completely innocent from..stop being selfish and let them go. EDIT; thank you kind stranger for my first silver :,)

Mac4491 −  YTA. Who cares what the custody agreement is at this point. He’s not trying to take them anywhere against their will on your time and to be honest your son at least is old enough where you should be allowing him to make these choices himself. You’re being selfish and petty.

Just because it’s one of your appointed weeks shouldn’t get in the way of them having a great week with their dad and grandparents. Stop being a selfish and controlling mother and let them go to Disneyland with their dad.

~~Take this opportunity to ask for an extra week at a later date.~~ I see he actually did offer to swap a week and you refused. Wow. Stop being so selfish, petty and entitled.

It sucks this sub won’t allow us to call you anything other than an a**hole. Your kids are going to resent you when they’re older if this is the kinda s**t you pull. I wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t already as you’ve probably done similar in the past.

Stop being the “Well the courts say it’s my time so it’s my right…blah blah blah” a**hole of a mother. Make exceptions for the benefit of your f**king children. Who the f**k cares if it adds up to 60/40 at the end of the year so long as your kids are happy.

At least your ex seems to be a good father. I have never asked him to have the kids on a day that isn’t mine. Well at least you aren’t a h**ocrite.

thewisefrog416 −  INFO- why are you like this? Edit- woah this blew up, thanks for the coins guys!! Also, OP I really hope you get back to us and let us know how the apology went. If you really have some undying need to make your ex suffer it can be done in a way to benefit the kids, like taking them to Disney for TWO WEEKS (on your own time, because swapping is clearly not a thing you do)

frankinthecoil −  YTA it’s not about your kids, it’s all about you being petty.

Do you think the Redditor was justified in maintaining their scheduled time with the kids, or should they have prioritized the Disneyland trip for the children’s sake? How would you handle a co-parenting conflict like this?

Share your thoughts and join the conversation below!