AITA for telling my mom she’s a whore?

A Redditor recently shared a deeply personal story about their strained relationship with their mother, stemming from events that unfolded during their childhood. After witnessing their mom’s infidelity while their father battled cancer, tensions resurfaced years later when the mother sought closure with the man involved in the affair.

When asked for their honest opinion, the Redditor gave a brutally candid response, sparking family conflict. Read the full story below to see how this situation unfolded.

‘ AITA for telling my mom she’s a whore?’

Throwaway. Long time lurker, first time posting. I am the oldest daughter of 4 children. I’m currently 25, 2nd oldest is 23, 3rd is 20, and youngest is 18. When I was 8 years old, my mom had an affair with a family friend.

I, being the oldest has remembered most of it and my younger siblings only remember growing up with our parents co parenting. This has put a strain on my mothers and I’s relationship- she cheated on my father who was battling cancer.

She didn’t even try to keep it a secret from the kids, I remember during family/friend gatherings when everyone would be inside and I’d see my mom and the family friend kissing or doing things in the pool. As a kid I didn’t understand, but as I got older I realized what she was doing in front of us and I feel sick.

People ended up catching on to their affair years later, and my mom left my dad and started a new relationship with this “family friend”. They split up shortly after that because he cheated on my mother.

I’ve confronted her about this after my dad passed and we all went to see a family therapist. This was roughly 3 years ago.
My mom has since remarried to an incredible man, but recently she was out and bumped in to this man from her past.

They exchanged emails and she confided in me that they have been sending emails back and forth and are planning to meet up to chat and catch up. I read the messages and it’s very apparent that the guy still has feelings, while my mom is trying to make it seem like she’s just catching up with an old Co worker.

But I know my mother, and I know she is still slightly infatuated with this man, and flattered that he still wants her. I mean it’s been years, why else would you want to catch up?

My new step dad knows about her past, and while he doesn’t agree with it, it’s been years, he wasn’t in her life yet. She asked me what I thought about her meeting up with him, and said something along the lines of needing closure. She asked for my honest opinion about the matter and I told her;

“To be honest mom, you dealing with this guy in the past ruined yours and daddy’s marriage and you guys had 4 kids. Idk why you think it wouldn’t ruin this one, but why don’t you stop being a whore and stop thinking with your pussy, and delete this guys damn email?” She cried, said she couldn’t believe I just called her a whore and left my house.

We haven’t spoken for a few days. Today, I got a call from my siblings saying I hurt my moms feelings and whatever happened betweens her and daddy’s marriage was between them.

I disagree, I had to witness my mom cheating on my father, I watched him die in bed while she was off to god knows where with this man. She asked for my opinion and my opinion is that she’s selfish and a whore who left my dad to die on his own and she wants to rekindle with this man and possibly cheat on my new step dad? Sorry I’m not sorry for feeling some type of way about it.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Charles_Chuckles −  OPs Mom: I want your honest opinion. ​. OP: ::honest opinion::. ​. OPs Mom: ::Surpised Pikachu Face::

Krazyrobus −  Nta .You called it like it is, a bit harsh but sometimes you have to be for things to sink in.

AnorhiDemarche −  ESH. Whore is a low blow insult you’re using to make her feel hurt. You did not intend to do anything other than hurt, and while your feelings towards your mother are valid and come from a very real place using a word like that just to insult and hurt is always a s**tty thing to do. There are other ways to express your feelings.

Ultimately your mum isn’t going to like what you say, because anything you say will remind her that your relationship is damaged because she chose to cheat while you were around, put you through the trauma of not knowing what to do in that situation while being too young to really comprehend it in the first place, and left you alone to deal with your dad, and probably countless other things because tbh she sounds like a real s**t person.

But if you don’t throw around terms like whore at least you’re not being a s**tty person back.. Get yourself into therapy if you can. it sounds like you might need someone on your side while you manage your train crash of a mother and her drama.

Sheppy__51 −  Ugly truths are better than pretty lies

Zukazuk −  ESH. I believe is the correct vote for justified a**hole behavior. I understand why you did it, but you knew those words would hurt. I also don’t disagree with your assessment of the situation.

However it’s pretty much always an a**hole thing to call someone a whore. I think you were an ass here, bit there’s nothing wrong with that. Your mother has been showing her ass for a lot longer than you.

Its_MaaaaaaaM −  NTA if it quacks like a duck it’s a duck

Epinita −  NTA – your mother wanted validation. she wanted you said it’s OK for her to go see this man.
That’s why she cried after you shout at her.

SunglassesBright −  NTA. Your mom sounds like a terrible person on the inside. I don’t love the word “whore” as an insult, because usually people say this to women just for simply being s**ual.

But in your case it is warranted because your mom is a cheater. I wouldn’t apologize. Your mom ruined your family on purpose, and there’s not a lot of nuance to that. She deserved to be told off after all this time.

lefkoz −  NTA
Definitely harsh, but it seems like she needed some harsh words. She needs to stop being a fuckgirl and act like the adult she is. Emailing her old crush while with someone else. Sounds like highschool, not an adult.

AlphaMoose67 −  NTA, Did you see how she ignored the part about her ruining her marriage and focused on you calling her a whore?. RIP mom and stepdads marriage. If you like stepdad you might give him a heads up.

Do you think the Redditor’s response was justified given the past trauma, or was it too harsh for the situation? How would you handle confronting a parent about unresolved issues from the past? Share your thoughts and join the discussion below!