My husband thinks I’m going to leave him because he’s balding even though I’m literally bald

A Reddit user shared a touching story about her husband, who is worried she will leave him because he’s going bald, even though she herself is bald due to health reasons. Despite her reassurances, he continues to fear she’ll abandon him over something so minor. The user expressed confusion and frustration at his insecurity. Read the full story below.

‘ My husband thinks I’m going to leave him because he’s balding even though I’m literally bald’

My husband (32) and I (28) are dealing with a situation that I honestly never expected to be a problem. I’ve been bald for a while now due to a combination of health issues. I underwent chemotherapy a few years ago, and I also have alopecia, so I’ve learned to just embrace being bald. At this point, I shave what little hair grows and focus on other aspects of my life.

Recently, I’ve noticed that my husband is really struggling with his own hair thinning. Over the past couple of years, his hair has been progressively getting thinner, and now he has a noticeable bald spot. I know it’s something he’s been self-conscious about, but it’s never been an issue for me. I don’t care about his hair or any physical change—those things don’t define my love for him.

What I don’t understand is why he thinks I’m going to leave him over something like that. I’m bald, too, and I’m not going anywhere because of how he looks. I’ve been through a lot myself, and I can’t imagine being so shallow as to leave someone because of a physical change that doesn’t affect our bond. He’s my husband, and I love him.

Still, he keeps asking me if I’ll leave him because he’s balding. I’ve tried everything to reassure him. I’ve hugged him, sat him down for long, heartfelt talks, kissed him, and even complimented him on how handsome he still is, but nothing works. He doesn’t seem to believe me, and it’s hurting both of us.

I don’t know what else to do. I’m frustrated because it feels like he doesn’t trust my love, and it’s wearing on me. Any advice on how I can help him feel secure in our relationship, or is this something we’ll just have to work through together?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

gibzy_ −  You didnt leave me during cancer. You didn’t leave me during chemo. You didn’t leave me when I balded. Why on earth do you think I’d leave you. I love you. And it is really concerning me you think I am this shallow h**ocrite. If you can’t get over this I would like you do get therapy, because this is really concerning me. I love you. Something like that.

Darth-Doc −  Yup, he has some deeper issue if he is so fixed on this notion, despite the reality of the situation. If your rational arguments are not hitting home, it’s time for a specialist to identify the root of the problem.

[Reddit User] −  I think this is one of those cases when someone else’s feelings are purely about themselves and not about you. He’s insecure that you’re going to leave because he feels bad about himself, not because of anything you’re doing or not doing. It’s tough to say what could actually help, besides hopefully talking it out with a therapist or the like. He needs to work through his insecurity on his own, though your support is definitely important!

whoisanyoneanyway −  It’s not bald, its just more forehead to kiss.

Deoxy66 −  Just reassurance, this is a big problem lots of men struggle to come to peace with.

[Reddit User] −  The thing is, in his eyes, you are the perfect woman. There is no woman on this planet that could compare herself to you. So he has a desire to be the best version of himself, to please you and make sure, that you are satisfied with the man by your side.
His balding now is something he can’t control and it is making him unsure. This feeling is 100% independent from your look on your head, this is all about him and a growing insecurity.

What were the thoughts that ran through your head, when you knew that you would get bald? Were you afraid, that you will look less attractive to him? If yes, then you know how he is feeling right now. Have you ever talked to him about this time and how it made you feel? You know better than anyone else, what effect balding can have on you.

Make sure that he knows, that you know what he is going through and that the one thing that kept you sane during this time was him. Now it is your turn to make sure, that he feels desired, even with a balding head. That is not something, that will easily go away. It needs time and a constant show of affection, to believe that it doesn’t change the way you see him.. Good luck and stay strong!

Ebbie45 −  r/tressless is a sub on reddit for individuals of all genders, including men, coping with balding and hair loss. I think a lot of it revolves around regrowth or maintaining what you have, but there is some good advice regarding how to take care of yourself or someone else who is experiencing the many negative feelings associated with hair loss.

I really wish this were a less stigmatized issue. Granted, for men it’s often seen as much more socially acceptable than when women lose their hair, but it can be hard for anyone no matter how they identify.. Best of luck to you both.

swivel-on-cheese −  I think some of the insecurity is from the fact that he is balding and not bald. I would recommend him taking power of the situation and getting rid of his hair. I did it recently and although I would have a full head of hair if had the option, it looks good and its nice to not have to keep watching it slowly dissappear. I’m not necessarily sure on how best to approach this with him though. I’m sure someone will have better ideas on that then me.

monday-next −  I wonder whether there is some anxiety at play here. Do you think he would be willing to talk to a professional?

DarthTechnicus −  I get the insecurity that comes with losing your hair as a man. My hair started thinning out in the front/top of my head when I was 26. I fooled myself into thinking it was “just the light” that made it seem thinner at first. Eventually I grew my hair longer for about 2 years and wore a lot of hats. Just before I turned 29, I decided to say “f**k it” and shaved my head. At that same time, i finally let myself grow out a full beard.

In the span of a few years I went from looking like Dawson’s Creek to Sons of Anarchy. Somewhere along the line, I realized it’s just hair. If my hair, or lack there of changed the way people viewed me, I realized, it didn’t matter one bit. It wasn’t an overnight thing. But I came to terms with it. You can let him know, no matter how he chooses to handle it, you’ll support him. Whether he shaves or tries to hang on to it. Remind of all the reasons chose to marry him and that his hair has f**k all to do with it.