My sister caused a scene at Mother’s Day brunch because we didn’t honor her as a “cat mom”

A Redditor shares a dramatic Mother’s Day brunch incident where his older sister caused a scene, claiming she deserved to be honored as a “cat mom.” The fallout has left him confused about how to handle the situation and the family dynamics. Read his story below.

‘ My sister caused a scene at Mother’s Day brunch because we didn’t honor her as a “cat mom”’

Hi guys. I am a man, 32M and I have two sisters – Carly (38F) and Melinda (26F). We went out to a family style restaurant for brunch and just returned home. Melinda and I are happily married, each with three children. My older sister Carly never married. She had a fiancé that she cheated on and he left her.

That was 10 years ago and she hasn’t been in a relationships longer a few months ever since. She has 4 indoor cats and also feeds a few stray cats that hand around her neighborhood. My mom was very ecstatic because in the last year, my younger sister and I both gave her an additional grandchild. So she gave a speech.

In her speech, she thanked us all for coming and said some flowery lovey stuff and then thanked Melinda and my wife for both being excellent mothers to her beautiful grandchildren. Upon hearing my mom praise my wife and my younger sister for being mothers, my sister Carly b**t in rudely with a loud and irked “Achem!”

She then went on a diatribe about how she is a mom just like they are, and why don’t we ever wish her a happy Mother’s Day? I explained calmly that she isn’t a mom at which point, she threw a fork at me and raised her voice in the restaurant “I am a f*cking mom too you d*mn a**holes! Just because I don’t have human babies doesn’t mean I’m not a f*cling mother too!”

My younger sister tried to calm her down but instead, Carly just poured her third glass of white wine into a nearby potted plant, spit at the plant (wtf I know right) and then stormed out. We thought that we be the end of it, but now she has published a manifesto on her social media calling us small minded and disrespectful and went on to explain why she feels that she is a mother. Despite never getting pregnant and giving birth.

We have family and friends calling us on the phone since, asking what happened. I don’t know what to tell them other than maybe my sister is showing signs of a nervous breakdown? I tried texting Carly to say “hi”, but my text came back green (which she has an iPhone so it’s usually blue). Does this mean she blocked me? Anyways I would appreciate any help y’all could give here :/

These are the responses from Reddit users:

xtlou −  Your sister is probably not showing signs of a mental breakdown. What’s more likely is that she’s showing signs of being a 38 year old woman with no long term partner and no biological children in a family that very much values long term committed relationships and grandchildren.

The grandchildren and relationships that brought them about are so valued, even in your description you say you “gave” your mother more grandchildren and your mother in return gave a speech about your parenting and relationships.

I’m not suggesting your sister had a healthy or normal response, but she probably feels pretty alienated and may even be lamenting how her actions lost her “a chance” at what you and your sister have: a family with children and your mother’s additional adoration.

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess your sister has had a life time of feeling like she’s less than you (the first son!) and your sister (she’s the baby!) and this outburst wasn’t the problem it’s the system of the problem: she feels slighted, possibly yet again. I’d wager your sister has a history of off color behavior?

Giving birth isn’t a requirement to make a mother: fosters, adopted and step parents are absolutely parents and care givers. You have family and friends calling asking about your sister’s “meltdown”?

No, you’ve got friends and family trying to insert themselves into your family’s drama because your sister used social media to get herself some attention and possibly sympthathy. What do you tell those people? You tell them to talk with your sister and find out what she’s thinking and feeling. Thank them for their concern and hang up.

MentholMind −  Melinda and I are happily married. Man for a second I thought u were Married to your sister

Lalpora −  Could it be that she feels bad that she never had children and celebrations like Mother’s Day depresses her to the point that this time she couldn’t keep it together?

puntifex −  Others have said reasonable things but I’ll just say one thing about writing: I have two sisters – Carly (38F) and Melinda (26F).. Melinda and I are happily married In the future I’d write that as “Melinda and I are **each** happily married” lol

Edit – don’t vote this to the top! What the other person said was much more useful.

formerlyknownaslurk −  It sounds like your mom places a lot of value being “given” grandchildren. Perhaps Carly feels that she is valued less than her siblings by her very own mother because she has not had babies. Perhaps your mother actually does not value Carly as much because of this. Your sister overreacted by a huge margin, but this was just a breaking point. The real issue lies somewhere underneath and has likely been simmering for years.

autotelica −  I secretly think of myself as a cat “meowmy”. But I keep that s**t to myself because I know how cringy it is.

[Reddit User] −  I feel like in a couple of years that’s gonna be me

[Reddit User] −  I don’t know your sister’s history but I had a devastating pregnancy loss about 2 months before mothers day 3ish (or 4?) years ago. That mothers day, I sat on the couch all day and excused myself from dinner early. The next year, I asked my husband to get me some flowers from our pets so I wouldn’t feel so bad, and I didn’t feel so bad.

I think it can be hard to be the oldest one of the bunch and not having any children, to feel like you’ve missed your chance and mothers day highlights that. I don’t know what the answer is here because I’m sure your mom didn’t want to include cats in her speech. It must suck to be Carly on mothers day.

tigestoo −  As a mid 40s childless woman, I gotta say – it’s rough out there. Motherhood is so highly prized in our society, and there’s an assumption that every woman has, and can fulfil, the wish to be a mother.

I’ve lost count of the number of times friends and inlaws have boldly told me to my face that I’m selfish for not being a mum. None of them have bothered to ask WHY I’m not a mum before passing judgement – apparently my inability to fulfil the role due to chronic illness is irrelevant.

There’s a general assumption that parents are better people. Only recently, my sister was telling me how insightful her son was for suggesting the reason some car drivers were not as considerate of school kid pedestrians as they could be, is that they probably aren’t parents. (Because non-parents apparently can’t comprehend the value of a child’s life, without having their own, right?!)

Then there’s the general small talk strangers make. The question of how many kids I have is often one of the first made. Advertising campaigns around Mothers’ Day promote motherhood as the best and most profound experience a woman can have. So I understand why Carly may have arrived at the lunch already feeling raw and somewhat isolated.

Like Carly, I also care for animals. I personally don’t consider it a child/parent relationship, but I can certainly see there’s similarities. You say that she didn’t give birth, but I hope we can all agree that motherhood is not limited to a simple biological definition. The verb “mothering” is often used in place of ‘nuturing.’

I have friends who have both human children and pets, and they openly state that they consider the pets as children. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but it doesn’t do anyone any harm, either. If you want to get pedantic about things, you didn’t “give” your mum a new grandchild. You and your wife decided to have a baby, and by default she became a grandmother again.

I think it’s a reasonable assumption that your mum’s speech made Carly feel further inadequate. She was the only woman present whose nurturing ability was not recognised, and she was unable to “give” your mum a new family member.

She reached breaking point and all the hurt, r**ection and anger came out. Yes, it sounds ugly and immature, but that’s what breaking points are, isn’t it? Someone who has reached the end of their tether for any reason is unlikely to be eloquent, reasonable and respectful – you were witnessing pure and raw pain, which was probably further fuelled by alcohol.

I’m assuming there are other family dynamics at play that contributed to the whole situation. As another commenter said, there’s an undertone in your post that you and Melinda are the “golden children.” There’s also an age gap and quite possibly a ticking body clock that gives her further desperation and frustration that neither you nor Melinda have been unfortunate enough to experience.

I also note that you have written that Carly cheated on her fiancé, something that is completely irrelevant to this incident. I suggest you consider why you felt it necessary to include this. Also, despite you issuing a (non-specific) plea for help, in my opinion your recounting of the story holds her up to vague ridicule, with terms like “diatribe” and “manifesto” and repeated disingenuous references to never giving birth.

Suggestions of “nervous breakdown” are also unconstructive. I can’t see any signs of compassion, nor concern for her, just condescension so I’m not sure exactly what help you want. Carly isn’t demonstrating much maturity, but either are you.

Regardless, my advice is to consider things from Carly’s perspective. Is it likely she feels like she’s viewed as the loser of the family? Is she right? Can you see how she might be hurting from having the same experiences I (and many other women) have?

I appreciate that of course you don’t like the way that she’s expressed her hurt, but that’s life – people aren’t always articulate and feelings that have simmered under the surface have a way of exploding. As a parent, I’m sure that’s something you’ll have to deal with.

If you, or is anyone in your family, is willing to take steps to give Carly the support she obviously needs, I suggest the following. Contact her (via email or snail mail if necessary) and let her know that although her behaviour was out of line and ruined the day, you realise that you hadn’t fully considered how difficult she might find the day.

Recognise that she has a nurturing role in looking after her cats, and appreciate that without that kind of care, there would be many more stray cats needing help. Let her know that (presumably) you were previously unaware that she’d like this care celebrated on Mother’s Day, but can acknowledge it in future.

I can see that your instinct is to view this incident purely through your brain, but all good relationships have a balance of brain and heart. Now would be a good time to use that heart. You may think it’s silly, but your sister is asking for recognition and it costs you nothing to provide it.

One of my sisters actually texted me to say “Happy first Mother’s Day with XXX (my new dog)” which was unnecessary given I don’t consider myself a parent, but it was nice in that I could see her intention was a caring, thoughtful one.

remember-who-you-are −  When people behave irrationally for seemingly silly things it’s never about that thing. There’s something much deeper bothering her and she probably doesn’t even realize it/is in denial. Sucks she has to act like a j**k though. I hope she comes to her senses and apologizes.

But on the flip side you guys might want to show her a little more empathy. So what if you don’t think she’s a real mom. She obviously thinks she is, and what’s more important? You guys being right about something that doesn’t matter, or doing your best to show support and respect for a family member? It’s not too hard to tell someone “yeah you are a cat mother”. Obviously she’s sensitive about it so it would probably mean the world to her to be recognized that way.. Kill em with kindness.

This story highlights the complexities of family relationships and differing perceptions of what it means to be celebrated. How would you navigate a situation like this? Should “cat moms” be acknowledged on Mother’s Day? Share your perspective in the comments.