UPDATE My (29m) girlfriend (24f) cancelled weekend plans to attend a house party, invited a male friend. Am I being unreasonable in ending it?
A Reddit user [29M] provided an update on his relationship concerns with his girlfriend [24F], following her decision to cancel their weekend plans in favor of attending a house party with a male friend. The user expressed his discomfort with her accepting “platonic” dates with men and her tendency to prioritize friendships with men, some of whom have romantic interests in her.
Despite her insistence that men and women can be friends, the user made it clear that he was not comfortable with her actions and saw them as a deal breaker. Ultimately, he concluded that she wasn’t the right partner for him, even though he acknowledged her positive traits.
‘ UPDATE My (29m) girlfriend (24f) cancelled weekend plans to attend a house party, invited a male friend. Am I being unreasonable in ending it?’
We spoke via text and then I called her at lunch. It escalated where I was repeating my discontent with her accepting ostensibly platonic dates from random men and her stating men and women can simply be friends and that I should trust her.. I stated they can be friends, but I expressed the nature of her relationships with men,
is simply is not something I’m comfortable with, and I try to reject, not encourage women who ask me out for friendly coffee dates because I know better. I expressed her declining a date with me so she and a random man can drink at her place and attend a house party is a deal breaker. She doesn’t, and that’s fine, we’re all entitled to our own expectations..
I don’t think she cheated. I know she appreciates male attention – perhaps more than she appreciates being in a committed healthy relationship where communicated boundaries are observed. Accordingly, most of her friends are male, some of which still have romantic interests in her. Some men are okay with that, I’m evidently not..
She’s a wonderful woman, she’s just not the woman for me.. She wants to act like she’s single, well now she is.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
spotH3D − Compatibility in the realm of propriety doesn’t sound important until it comes up, and then its a big damn problem. It is something worth talking about before it comes up because once it becomes a problem it is too late.
[Reddit User] − Makes sense man. You’ll recover from this.
lovebot5000 − It’s refreshing to see someone on this sub acting in a mature manner. Well done. Sorry about the break up, but as you can see, it’s for the best.
oSyren − You said it yourself in that last line, she’s not the woman for you, if you aren’t able to trust her when she’s with other guys. Clearly you both have different viewpoints and I’d look for a woman that feels the same way you do about having these “friends”.
RayCharlesss − As a female with majority male friends, I think you made the right decision. I’ve dated both men who are okay with me usually being ‘one of the guys’ and men who were not. What’s important here is that you maturely communicated your discomfort with the situation and she disregarded it. You did not flip your s**t and act like a child;
you did what a partner should do and talked it out to explain why you feel the way that you do. She still refused to try to understand or compromise (whatever that might have been). Granted, most of my male friends are ones I’ve had for years, but even as someone who gets along better with guys, I would never disrespect my partner the ways she did to you. Her actions were definitely red flags and I think you dodged a bullet in the long run.
Flash582 − If I had dumped mine the first time instead of “working it out” I wouldn’t have wasted 20 years of my life before she left with half plus of everything I worked my ass off for
herefortheworst − I wish I had your attitude. I fell for a girl like this and couldn’t bring myself to end it. It dragged on for 2 years. Good on ya.
DoneWithHisShit1998 − I think, after reading your last post about it, you did good. You both are on vastly different maturity levels. I would never meet with a guy friend alone, especially knowing said guy friend has a crush on me, while with someone.
I find that extremely disrespectful, and when it comes to the party thing, it’s great she told you but she should have mentioned she was thinking of inviting him first and have asked also if that was ok, due to the nature of their relationship. You did the right thing for you man. Good luck.
madevilfish − Did I just enter crazy town in this thread? Men and women can simply be friends. I have tons of friends of the other s** that I go on platonic dates with all the time. I have no romantic interest what so ever. Thinking men and women cant be friends as adults is crazy. Why are there so many comments in this post saying men and women cant be friends?
Does everyone in here only have friends of their own s**? That rant over, I fully understand that for OP it is not simply that they are friends and there is more going on. Edit: I am reacting to other peoples comments in the comment section no what OP said.
[Reddit User] − yes, smart move. you’ll be glad about it eventually.
Do you think the user’s decision to end the relationship was justified given their differences in boundaries and expectations? Was it a matter of incompatibility, or should he have given her more space to understand his perspective? Share your thoughts below and join the discussion!