Boyfriend got very drunk and was brutally honest about our relationship?

A Reddit user shared a deeply personal moment after their boyfriend, who was heavily intoxicated, revealed his honest feelings about their 4-year relationship. Despite his love for her, he admitted that her perfectionist tendencies sometimes make him feel stressed and unhappy, while their financial dynamic leaves him feeling indebted and less like a man.

The girlfriend, who has supported him financially and emotionally during tough times, is now unsure how to approach the situation or navigate the complexities of their relationship. To understand their dilemma and explore what others have suggested, read the full story below.

‘ Boyfriend got very drunk and was brutally honest about our relationship?’

My bf and I have been together for over 4 years. When we first dated, we were both in college, but due to financial reasons he had to drop out to support his family. We stayed together long distance until I graduated and moved back home. We have lived together for about 2 years now. Life was very rough for him when he dropped out.

His parents had hospital bills and he couldn’t make enough to support them so he had to take out loans. He is still paying those loans up to this day, and works 14 hours a day to just make meets end. Because of this, I have lent him money over the years. I was very fortunate in my situation where I went to school debt free and found a job immediately after graduating.

I have been paying rent for him in addition to lending him money and he slowly pays me back whenever he can. One thing about our relationship, we have very different personalities. I am a perfectionist and have a way of doing everything whereas he is very laidback and carefree.

Last night, he got very drunk and as he was throwing up, was very honest with me about our relationship. He told me several things: he feels like he is indebted to me for helping him out in life and that he feels he needs to make me happy whenever he can. Because of this, he will let me have my way, even if it pisses him off.

My perfectionist habits make him very stressed out at times and it is making him unhappy. Sometimes it is very difficult to be with me because of my attitude towards doing things. (For example, we moved last week and I wanted everything moved in a day whereas he is a slow mover.)

It makes him feel less of a man because he has to borrow money from his girlfriend, and that sometimes he’ll pay me before paying his credit card bills even if he gets hit with the late fee. But he still loves me, not because he is obliged to due to money.

I am very confused about our relationship right now. He will not remember this when he wakes up, but I don’t know how to approach him with the things he said. I love him very much and want him to be happy as well, even though sometimes our personalities clash. But if it is so difficult to be with me because of our situation, what should I be doing?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

[Reddit User] −  Ok… It is normal for him to feel that way. Just remind him that couples help eachother out and that one day when he is debt free, you’ll need him to pull you out of a tight spot. Also you need to cut him some slack and try to be less uptight now that you know it bothers him. Best of luck!

misguidedfaun −  I just want to say that he sounds like a really great person and that you should hold on to him. Sacrificing his education and financial security to help out his parents and to pay his debt to you. Very selfless.

[Reddit User] −  Well, sounds like you have quite an awesome dude there….wasn’t expecting that based on the title of this post. It’s not surprising that he feels this way, based on his history, he is the type who helps others, people like that really hate to be helped themselves (I’m a person like that, and I hate getting gifts as it feels like charity).

Also sounds like you can steam roll him and he lets it happen because he feels indebted to you. This is something you can help, and doesn’t take much. When you state what you want/want to do, just take a second after you state it, and clearly ask him, what he wants/how he wants to do it. Third, encourage this guy to do what he needs professionally.

He likely wants to make more money, this may or may not include university, encourage him. Doesn’t mean push him, just be very supportive of this line of thought. Don’t need to bring this up, in reality this should make you feel better about your relationship. You now know he isn’t using you, you know he loves you, and you know he will bust his ass to pay you back….this is a good dude right here.

yazminnie_ −  I think you should consider all the effort he puts in the relationship and start doing the same. Try to be flexible in a way that you can, always considering his preferences too. That’s all you can do. Great that he feels grateful about you helping him financially and it sucks that he feels less of a man because of it.

That’s his issue and the best you can do is make sure to tell him you don’t see him like that at all. Tell him you admire him as a man and all the effort he had to make in order to get over his family’s problems.

shocktarts17 −  One thing I’d probably add that no one else has said yet is that this might be a sign that you guys could be working on your communion. While it doesn’t sound like he has much resentment if his answer to everything is to bottle it up you guys may run into trouble down the road.

Perhaps you can make more of an effort to check in and intentionally open communication lines about your relationship, not just when things seem wrong. Just like going to the doctor or dentist for a check-up, you want to catch any issues before they cause any damage.

MechanicalTwerker −  For him to be blackout drunk and say those things is reassuring because at least he is not taking advantage and appreciates you. Last time mine was blackout drunk he told me where the bodies were buried.

Medraut_Orthon −  Works 14 hours a day. Hes laidback and carefree Miss, the man is tired. Its called tired.

vBeeberbee −  Sounds like you have a strong relationship. There are always going to be differences of personality. What is most important is shared values – and it sounds like you have those? Seems like you are both hard-working, kind and value family. Maybe think of other ways your bf can feel more ‘manly’ and also contribute.

He could fix things around the house or do some diy improvements? Sounds trivial but some men really love cooking on a bbq. Compliment any of his efforts. Moving furniture in one day sounds normal to me (not including packing up)? But if you think you do have ocd or tend that way, you could see a counsellor for some strategies to help you relax a bit more about things.

joenastyness −  It sounds like a really tight spot for him to be in. Continue to support each other. Maybe help him out by relaxing on certain issues and not obsessing over them. Next time he asks to do something a certain way, say, “okay” with a smile and let him figure it out. It sounds like a solid relationship though. Best of luck!

TheGraveyardBoy2119 −  Op, don’t let him go.

Should the girlfriend bring up the boyfriend’s honest revelations and discuss their relationship, or let it pass given the circumstances? How would you handle a situation where financial and personality differences strain a long-term relationship? Share your thoughts and advice below!