My (27F) boyfriend (27M) is smaller than me. He introduced me to his family a few days ago and their reaction & comments devastated him

A Redditor shared her experience about her boyfriend, who is physically smaller than her, facing hurtful comments from his family after introducing her to them. Despite being supportive and understanding of his insecurities, she’s now worried as his family’s criticism has deeply shaken his self-esteem, even leading to pressure from his mother to end their relationship. She’s seeking advice on how to support him through this difficult time while also grappling with her own fears. Read the full story below for the emotional details and context.

‘ My (27F) boyfriend (27M) is smaller than me. He introduced me to his family a few days ago and their reaction & comments devastated him’

I am taller than and more muscular than my boyfriend. I am not a bodybuilder, however he is a shorter man and *very* skinny. Because of this, our contrast looks more significant and we’ve both always been aware of this. We’ve talked about it plenty of times before and he’s never been distraught over it. Yes, I’ve had my suspicions that maybe our size differences have given him some thoughts in the past, but I’ve never pressed him on it.

Because he’s so skinny, and he’s aware of his health, he’s talked to me about gaining weight. I’ve been helping him try and gain weight at home and have even gone with him to speak to doctors about getting something for this. He has always given up on the progress very early for reasons I always assumed were forgetfulness or laziness. I’m now starting to question if it was also issues with his self esteem insecurities that caused him to stop all the time. I never pushed him on this ‘cause I didn’t want to force him to do anything.

Another thing that I’m now thinking about is how he’s never wanted to work out with me at the gym even though he’s told me he’s wanted to get fit. I’m not stupid, I know being seen with me at the gym might’ve made him uncomfortable. We’ve talked to each other about our insecurities and worries like we all do. He always said it’s not being seen together, it’s just being seen in the gym in general. He’d say things like, “even before us I was too embarrassed to go to the gym’ or “oh, I don’t wanna embarrass you.”

Okay, this is common among tons of people, so I believed him. So we’d work out at home, and same thing happens here like with the weight gain, just gives up. The problem now is that, I’m starting to suspect that there’s some deep rooted issues he has, and it’s all ‘cause of the family dinner.

We had dinner at his family’s house and this was the first time they have met me. Nothing was out of the ordinary until the questions about my body started to fly. Nbd, I get them all time. I’m tall, he’s short. My muscles are more visible, his aren’t. Whatevs.

But the next few days, he was visiting his family and talking on the phone. Turns out, they’ve been harassing him, making fun of him, making fun of me, our bodies, everything. I’m dead f**king sure this is fueling his insecurities. I found all of this because I caught him crying on the phone arguing with his mom. She is telling him to d**p me. Saying things like the cousins or whatever are all talking s**t. Guys in his family are making fun of his body and mine. Saying all sorts of disgusting things.

He’s so hurt. I know the easiest thing is to just ignore them, but he’s always been close with his family so that’s not going to help him. Stuff like that for people like my boyfriend is always easier said than done. How do I help him? I want to help him be happy with himself, with his body, *and with me*. Is it selfish for me to think about myself, too??? I won’t lie, I’m worried of losing him because ive seen the texts, and his mom is demanding that he leave me.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

FlareGER −  Damn, what a situation. You don’t need to help him get fit. You don’t need to change your body. You need to get him to realize his family is a pile of toxic poopoo and that distanciating himself from them is gonna be a big relief of pressure to be able to love himself and this relationship as it is.

cottoncandymandy −  WOW-That is really messed up of his family. Sooooo fucked, I don’t even know what to say about that. Have you thought about suggesting therapy? You two seem like a good match and it would be a shame if he let his family and his deep rooted insecurities ruin a really good real relationship. He seemed like he only had a decent handle on it before and now that his family are being absolute jerks I’m sure he is just spiraling in anxiety and hurt. He could probably really use an unbiased opinion of this situation.

stannndarsh −  Wow, I’m sorry you have to deal with this. When in college I dated a girl who is 6’ and I’m 5’9. We meshed really well. Though we were both fit, her family made much fun of me for being shorter than her. After a few months it killed our relationship. The f*cked up thing was her mom saying ‘we like you a lot, just not for D. Have you met our other daughter H? You would love her and she’s shorter than you’. I didn’t give a s**t, but eventually it got to her and we parted ways. I hope that he doesn’t do the same to you.

spamburger22 −  He should d**p his family and carry on seeing you, this is atrocious behaviour on their part, they have ruined his sense of self worth before you ever came on the scene, its unlikely this is the first time they have undermined him and its unlikely it comes from his cousins, the majority of this abuse will come from his mother.

Sweetragnarok −  Wowow his fam is a candidate for r/justnofam. I do have good news. Being you both are in your late 20’s, you have this wonderful thing called FREEDOM. Freedom to cut off that toxicity from your lives. And like OP I come from a family that prioritizes family over everything (yey Asian heritage) so I know how tough and annoying it is.

•  First thing first is to gently but firmly assure him that you love him for him for who he is and nothing will change that.
  
•  Second. Tell him that if his family shuns him, it you and him against the world. Assure his that he will still have a network of friends, other fam members and your fam (if they are nice ppl) who wil welcome him with open arms. 
•  Thirdly, we humans have different body types, reactions to diet and work out differently for everyone. If BF is intimidated working out with you and others, it will be better to sign him up with a 1 on 1 session with a trainer. Have him a few sessions with one, to customize a workout and diet plan for him. The good news, he doesnt even need to do a gym for the workouts. Maybe the instructor will advise him to do weights, long walks…things he can do on his own, at home or at the park. Once he is given that program, your BF needs to stick to it.– Source: Me stick skinny under 90 lbs even though I eat soo much, till i hit 27 then boom sudden weight gain.
•  Fourthly- the best revenge is to live happy. I wouldn’t be surprised if said “cousins” were mean bec they are jealous. Its such a childish and petty but effectively hurtful action on their part.
  Also I woundnt be surprised if his mom is intimidated by you. Cultural helicopter parents tends to choose a future inlaw they can control or belittle. She’s scared of your potential & strength. (Been there)Your BF needs to stand his ground and thicken his skin a little and stand up for himself. Once he overcomes that things will work well for him and his confidence in the long run. I want to end this watching this guilty pleasure of a movie called: She’s out of my League. Same scenario as your story where guy (Jay Baruchel) is scrawny and ends up bagging a 10 for a GF, while his family is super dupper WTF-ish crappy (except the mom) and expects him to fail.

 

kelleycat05 −  I’m a fitness instructor and this is the s**t that makes me the most upset. Your family should be rooting for you, not ripping you down. I see more people quit because their family teases them and doesn’t take them seriously. Find a community that is supportive and really start enforcing boundaries with his family.

[Reddit User] −  So… if he thinks they’re making fun of him now, they’re going to go in SO MUCH HARDER when they know he broke up with you because of their b**lshit. With that being said, he’s 27. He needs to tell his family to back off. There’s zero reason this should actually matter.

KalonetteA2019 −  I hate to say this, but it’s less about his family and more about him. My husband is from a very controlling and overbearing culture too. His parents don’t like me. The difference is, my husband sets boundaries. If they spoke poorly of me, he would hang up. I don’t think you want to sign up for a lifetime of training your bf to stand up to his mommy. You sound like a kind soul… I would find a man who appreciates that about you and who wouldn’t give audience to anyone speaking poorly of you.

mysrsaccount2 −  Is your BF by any chance Hispanic?

ptoto20 −  His family is very immature, I think the whole issue is they don’t respect him and he has to put his foot down. In regards to your physical differences he either has learn how to live with this or he has to change it. I don’t see any other option.