My husband confessed that he has been having an emotional affair and it’s breaking me

A Reddit user shared the heartbreaking revelation that her husband of nine years confessed to having an emotional affair with a coworker. While he insists he didn’t act physically and still loves her, the user is struggling with feelings of betrayal, insecurity, and uncertainty about the future of their marriage.

She’s torn between wanting to preserve their family for the sake of their son and dealing with the overwhelming hurt and broken trust. To read the full story and join the discussion, continue below…

‘ My husband confessed that he has been having an emotional affair and it’s breaking me’

I’ve married my husband for 9 years we have a son together. Last week he confessed to me that he thinks he has started an emotional affair with a coworker of his. He said that this has been going on for a few months and he didn’t felt guilty. He said that he never touched her romantically, but he had feelings for both of us.

He said he of course would choose me over any woman but still I’ve been hurting since I found this it and I don’t know what to do. The girl is in her mid 20s, she hasn’t had any kids, she’s so pretty and she has a piece of his heart. I don’t know what I’ve been doing wrong for him to catch feelings for another woman. This is devastating to me.

Honestly I’d rather he had just fucked her and had no feelings for her whatsoever. That would be easier.I don’t know how I can get past this. We have a family that I don’t want to break up and I still love him, and he’s ending everything with her, but now I feel broken. I don’t even know of I can trust him again.. I don’t know what to do.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

PeebleInYourShoe −  Having dates, sexting and sending nudes is not an emotional affair, it is an affair. You didn’t do anything wrong if he never asks for things to change.

-Tickery- −  So he’s sexted and gone on dates and doesn’t feel guilty? Lmfao. Yeah, no way it was just an accident.

[Reddit User] −  I feel there needs to be a bit more info here. Is this a case of him catching feelings, realizing maybe he flirted a bit much with her and felt guilty and came to you soon after in order to give your relationship a try? Or is this a case of them texting everyday, saying I love yous and talking dirty etc?

If it’s the first case then I would say it is just bordering on cheating but he caught himself and talked to you about it. If it’s the second then it’s straight up cheating and should be handled accordingly (in my case that would mean divorce). Another thing I want to point out, women who have had kids are not overall less attractive.

Women who have kids and put them first tend to have an aura about them that tends to far outweigh the younger womans lack of stretch marks or whatever it is you feel selfconcious about. I am however very family oriented and it might just be me… but I doubt it. Please don’t put yourself down as there is no OBJECTIVELY prettier or more attractive. As they say: “beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder”.

[Reddit User] −  I don’t know what I’ve been doing wrong for him to catch feelings for another woman. Okay well step one you’re not responsible for his actions at all. You are in no way responsible for him cheating on you. Don’t blame yourself, this is all on him.

As for advice I would highly recommend couples counseling because there is an obvious rift in the relationship that needs more than just talking it out. He seriously violated your trust and he needs to own up to that and fix it.

WhenHope −  Why did he tell you this? I don’t understand what he went on to say? Was he saying this to try to get you to change something? Or to beg forgiveness? Or because his mistress said, ‘if you don’t tell her, I will’ and so he is trying to get his story in first? This seems horribly cruel. I’m so sorry.

blackandwhitelibrary −  To be completely honest, this is like the 2nd best case scenario for you: Someone who was completely honest about their feelings and is trying their best to make this relationship with you work despite the circumstances. It’s a pretty rare thing to happen, and I’d suggest making the best of it.

I’m not gonna sugarcoat it : Everyone can be attracted to multiple people at anytime; it’s just kinda how it is. The difference are the ones who can control themselves and those who can’t. Your husband is trying his best by cutting things off with her now that he’s realized it for himself.

luffystan12 −  With your edits this is way more than just an emotional affair. He’s cheating on you doesn’t feel bad about it and won’t end it. You don’t deserve that and shouldn’t have to tolerate someone who treats you so poorly

PeteyPorkchops −  Went on two dates and nothing physical happened? I’m calling b**lshit on that one. In essence he cheated and the trust is gone. You’re going to be second guessing everything he does and says.

Marriage counseling for sure but if in the end you walk away realize that everything that has transpired is because he chose to step outside the marriage instead of addressing any issues that may have come up. I hope whatever you choose you don’t blame yourself.

NoeTellusom −  The minute he said he didn’t feel guilty about it would tell me it’s over. You didn’t earn this and you didn’t do anything wrong.. This is on him. Please find a great therapist you can trust.