My boyfriend (24M) planned a road trip with me (24F) and his three friends. I have been uninvited.

A Reddit user is upset after being uninvited from a road trip that her boyfriend (of four years) had initially planned with her and his friends. The trip was meant to include both of them, but when she asked about it recently, she discovered that his friend’s girlfriend is still invited while she is not.

She feels hurt and excluded, especially since she’s been part of the friend group, but now feels like her boyfriend doesn’t want her there. She’s planning to confront him about the situation but is seeking advice on how to approach the conversation. To learn more about how others are responding, read the full story below…

‘ My boyfriend (24M) planned a road trip with me (24F) and his three friends. I have been uninvited.’

For starters, my boyfriend and I have been dating for four years. Our anniversary was in April and for it we had planned to do a road trip. Obviously that couldn’t happen. Last month he had brought up the idea of a road trip with me, his friends (22F & 24M) & his friend’s girlfriend (24F). This would be happening next year.

I thought this was a good idea as I am friends with his male friend and his gf but not necessarily his female friend. To tell you the truth, I’ve always been quite wary of their relationship (previous bf cheated on me and I’ve still got some insecurities I need to sort out).

I hadn’t heard more about it since the trip was brought up in the first place so I asked my bf if it would still be going ahead. He said they had decided it would be a no-girlfriends-allowed trip. Eh, I was fine with that. Me and him could always go ourselves another time and I know friends need time to hang out without their partners.

Nothing more was said about it until today when I happened to glance at his screen and saw that they had made a group chat and were talking about it. I also saw his friend’s gf was messaging in it. I asked him why she was in it if she’s not going. He got defensive and instantly turned his screen away from me.

I asked him why he did that and he said it’s a private conversation – I then asked if I could look through the messages. I found out that she is still invited and it’s just me who’s been uninvited. I would understand it if she was one of his friends, but she’s actually not. In fact, I haven’t heard him say one nice word about her.

I guess my boyfriend just doesn’t want ME there, but is fine with someone he dislikes. I feel so left out as I was made to believe I was part of this friendship group but none of them have even asked me why I’m not going.

I don’t know if I’ve misconstrued the situation and have made a big deal out of nothing but I’m just incredibly hurt by this as it’s not exactly fair she gets to go when I can’t. I’m planning on talking to him about it tomorrow but I just want to get advice.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

kaatie80 −  Wow, f**k all of that. That’s really uncool of all of them, especially him. You can ask him, “I’m having trouble understanding, please tell me why I don’t need to be upset by this” just to see the justification he has in his mind, but unless it’s actually completely iron-clad, don’t feel like you have any obligation to be okay with this. Don’t let him gaslight you, you’re not the crazy one here to be upset by this.

Pokey711 −  Your bf is not being a standup guy here. And that should concern you. If a bunch of my buddies said they didn’t want my wife along on a trip but were taking theirs, I’d tell them to have a good time and send a postcard. Dude should always stick up for his partner. Always.

[Reddit User] −  My friends BF once said to her that he enjoys to spend time with his friends alone without her there…. okay fair enough! That’s totally fine. Until he then said “even if their GF’s were there I still wouldn’t want you there”. OUCH. Get to the bottom of why you were uninvited and by who

eternachaos −  I don’t want to add to paranoia or assume things but it’s really sus that you get uninvited from a trip that is just him and another girl, and another couple. if it was all boys or all close friends, maybe, but this is sending red flags up my spine.

HotRodHomebody −  So he approached you and you were invited. Then he says now it’s friends only, no girls. He should have asked you, really, if that was okay since you were already part of the trip. Then you find out it’s not boys only and he’s being secretive. Even if he’s not cheating/planning to cheat that’s just a d**k move. To then minimize you feeling slighted. Yeah. I’d rethink this relationship, at least.

[Reddit User] −  that’s fucked up and I hate situations like those. You have all the rights to be angry or sad, and to be honest if he doesn’t understand you he’s the worst

RicklePickC137 −  This is really very simple: this is a couples trip, and you’d be cramping their style by being a “fifth wheel” if you came along. I mean, how’s he going to bang his “friend” under the stars if you’re there? Treat this as a life lesson. Next time, trust your instincts and run far away when the guy you’re interested in reveals he has a “really close” female friend.

NyX1986 −  He’s either planning to or has already cheated on you with the female friend. That is the only reason why he would:. A). Become defensive. B). Turn his phone away
C). Not tell you that you were the only one uninvited

xfrx_tyree −  More than likely it is a friends trip where they take their girlfriends, it’s just that he isn’t telling you something. Do some digging and find out for sure, but be prepared for what will come of it. Be strong and keep your eyes open OP.

its4melinds −  I dated my ex for four years, he would always uninvite me to group things with his friends saying it was guys only or friends only but all other girlfriends were there. He was embarrassed of me but not only that he took those chances to cheat and his friends who I thought were my friends hid it from me for years and actually encouraged it.

I really hope that’s not what is happening here but you just need to have a talk with him. If he gets defensive then he’s hiding something and it sucks but it could be him cheating with that friend. His friends will take his side over yours so don’t be surprised if they don’t reach out or tell you anything. They will protect him even if they know he’s doing something wrong.

Do you think the boyfriend’s decision is unfair, or is he justified in making a “no-girlfriends-allowed” trip despite the exclusion of his partner? How would you navigate a situation where you feel left out or uninvited from something important? Share your thoughts below and join the discussion!