My (21/f) stepfather(64/m) slapped me and i dont know how to process it.

A 21-year-old woman shared a disturbing incident where her 64-year-old stepfather slapped her during an argument. The conflict arose when she responded to his controversial remarks about the pandemic and the value of life. The situation escalated when her mother failed to intervene or defend her, leaving the woman feeling isolated and deeply hurt.

After retreating to her room, she received support from her younger brother, but the lack of acknowledgment or apology from her stepfather or mother has left her questioning her actions and how to move forward.

‘ My (21/f) stepfather(64/m) slapped me and i dont know how to process it.’

First some backstory. I was adopted by my mother and late father. I love my mother and loved my dad. After he died 4 years ago my mom remarried 2 years later with my current stepfather (lets call him John). I have one younger brother (17) (the biological kid of my mom and late dad) and 2 stepsisters both \~10 years older than me.

John generally doesn’t care for me or my brother. Sometimes it feels like he is just leeching off of my mother if that makes sense. I dont really like him but we never had a big argument and just kinda try to live along untill I finally move out. Me, brother, mom and John live together. Now to the present. Due to the Coronavirus we all had to stay at home the past couple weeks.

Mom doesnt work right now but John can work from home. Since everyone stayed home all day, naturally there was more talk in the family and John opened up a little bit to us. He expressed some worldviews that I didn’t expect of him such as that the economy should continue running and it doesn’t matter if old and sick people die because they are a burden to the country anyway.

I told him that he is infact old and sick (he has complications with the heart and is 64 years old). My brother was laughing at my remark but John didnt take my comment well and told me to to apologize. I was kinda taken aback because for me, I just stated a fact. I said that there was nothing to apologize to. He repeated that I needed to apologize.

I looked at my mom and told/asked her to defend me. To my surprise she also said that I should apologize to him. I asked what I did wrong and he started screaming at me to stop being disrespectful and that he is feeding us with the money that he earned and such. I started to cry because it felt like I was in a bad dream and then he got up and just slapped me across the face.

It came out of the nowhere and I was just sitting there petrified. I guess I waited for my mom to say something but she didn’t so i just got up and went into my room. I heard my brother screaming at my mom that he hated John. When I was my room, my brother texted me if I needed comfort or anything but I told him I’m ok

But I didn’t feel ok and basically cried till I fell asleep. What made the feeling worse was that neither my mom nor John came to my room. Nothing. No asking how I was, just nothing. Its early morning now as I’m writing this and I still feel horrible. I dont want to get out of my room or see anyone. I still feel like I’m in a bad dream.

I guess I’m just asking what to do now and if I was in the wrong or if my comment was offensive? I don’t know.. Thanks already.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

KonstantineKidsClub −  They permanently burned a bridge with you. There’s no going back from being slapping by stepdad and mom looking on approvingly. When you leave them finally don’t ever go back.

TheBestPeter −  That’s a**ault. It’s a police matter. There is a large increase in cases of domestic abuse with people stuck together in quarantine and this is one of them. Get it documented and have the proper people aware of it.

Tidus790 −  As others have said, call the police. Get it on record. That was abuse. That was a test. He’s seeing what he can get away with. Expect it to happen again, and expect it to escalate. Edit: damn, thanks for the awards everybody. This is a super complicated issue, especially given the ongoing global crisis. It can’t be summed up in 6 sentences.

There are a lot of extremely good comments in response to this one, and I’d encourage anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation to read through them.

[Reddit User] −  He just committed a**ault and battery in front of witnesses.. So call the Police. Yes, it’s that serious. Yes, I know it will blow up the family. But I guarantee he will not stop there. And you can’t live like this. None of you can. This type of behaviour doesn’t come from nowhere, out of character – this is who he really is.

I would ask myself if **he’s been abusing your mother** for a while already. She seems afraid to cross him if she won’t defend HER OWN CHILD against him *hitting* you. He’s certainly already financially abusing her. You could do her a big favour by escalating this as far as you can. She won’t testify against him, so you need bro.. He just shot himself in the foot.

istara −  You could and probably should report this to the police and get this abusive man out of your house. If you can’t bring yourself to do that, then you and your brother need to get up close to him, tell him in the most threatening voice you can that if he steps out of line one more time you’re going to the police, and he’d better f**king watch himself. Be as intimidating as you can.

[Reddit User] −  Call the police and if anyone including your mother tries to gaslight you tell her what she is doing is witness intimidation. John will learn real quick what is and is not okay.

[Reddit User] −  Press charges immediately. Hes only going to get more violent and odds are good hes hitting your mom too.

craigshitlist −  Nothing you could’ve said should warrant a grown man putting his hands on you. There wasn’t anything wrong with what you said regardless, he sounds like he has a few insecurities to work out, in the meantime I would give him the silent treatment and make plans to move once quarantine lifts.

verynamenotmine −  Just tell him that he assaulted you in front of witnesses and that if he ever crosses another line…well he knows whats up

bottomofabyss −  He is trying to establish himself as a new “alpha-male” of the household by abusing children of the family. What’s stopping him from turning onto your Mom? Or your brother? I think he needs a reality check. I would say call the police, but first ask your brother if he would back you up. Because it sounds like your Mom will probably lie to cover her husband’s abusive ass.

How should the woman address this situation with her stepfather and mother? Was her comment truly offensive, or does the stepfather’s reaction reveal deeper issues? Share your thoughts and advice below to join the discussion.