My girlfriend [F24] called men “failed abortions” and is now trying to walk it back [M23]

A 23-year-old man is facing a significant emotional struggle after his girlfriend (24F) made a deeply hurtful comment, calling men “failed abortions” during an argument about police violence. Despite her apology, he’s left feeling conflicted, especially given his own questioning of his gender identity. With his girlfriend now trying to walk back the statement, he’s unsure of how to move forward. Read below to hear how he’s processing this painful experience and struggling to separate his feelings from the situation.

‘ My girlfriend [F24] called men “failed abortions” and is now trying to walk it back [M23]’

My girlfriend has always had a hot streak in her for social issues. Normally this doesn’t bother me at all, I agree with her on most issues. Yesterday we got into a fight because she saw an article about police violence and how it was mostly perpetrated by men. She said that men were “failed abortions” and we wouldn’t have these problems if they were born women.

I took offense to that and we ended up in an argument where she said that she clearly didn’t mean all men and said I was being oversensitive. I felt like it definitely crossed a line, and it hit particularly hard because I’ve had some questioning of my gender identity and haven’t always wanted to have been born a man (I’ve been open with her about this and she’s usually supportive).

The argument simmered down after a day or so and now she’s trying to walk the statement back and be apologetic for it. I’m having a really difficult time getting it out of my head and I’m not sure what to do.

Edit: this is getting a lot of traction and I just want to try to clarify some things. We’ve had the whole discussion about hyperbole and how people expressing frustration against a group doesn’t necessarily mean they hate them. I get that and I’m fine with it, but this was hard to hear and I’m having real trouble separating my feelings from hyperbole.

This especially hurts because of the gender identity stuff I’ve shared before and how unilateral of a statement it was, and she initially acted like I shouldn’t have been offended. I just feel really sick about myself and my body and at the very least I think I need time to process things

Edit 2: removed references to feminism because multiple commenters have said that this isn’t it, and I agree. I spent some time looking up feminist resources as I consider myself one and I urge others to do the same, because whatever you think it is, it’s not about h**red

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Althea177 −  Wow. That’s not something anyone who is trying to promote equality should say.

[Reddit User] −  That is not a feminist argument, that is a sexist argument. Actually, it’s not even an argument, it’s just an inflammatory statement inspired by pure anger. I get her being angry, there’s a lot to be angry about, but blaming an entire s** for the evil in the world is not rational or productive.

It would be one thing if she were to wonder aloud in a neutral way about how the world might be different if the majority of the positions of power in the world were occupied by women rather than men—that’s philosophical conjecture that is unbiased. But she’s deliberately using inflammatory slurs to convey something that has more to do with how helpless she’s feeling than an identifiable problem with the structure of the society we live in. That’s a dangerous line to get in the habit of blurring.

the_last_basselope −  That crosses a line between feminism and straightup man hating misandry and would have me rethinking the entire relationship because those types of thoughts and feelings typically get stronger over time.

twinklehoy −  Although redditors in this sub love drama (which is also the reason why people get downvoted when they don’t encourage it), some of us imperfect creatures, say all sorts of things when we’re angry.

From my humble POV, the comment your girlfriend made about men was excluding you from the start,she didn’t mean to offend you and she was probably just angry. What she did wrong was saying it without considering your feelings and your personality. Accept her apology if you want and forget about it OR if her comment “makes you question your ENTIRE relationship” (as someone said in the comment section) break up with her and look for someone who is more compatible. It’s that simple…

TNWolf666 −  I am sorry. I don’t believe something like that can be walked back.

googspoog −  I mean she’s not right but i would not start an entire argument over it. My bf says dumb s**t all the time about “females” and about literally everything lmao if I were to get worked up about all that stuff I’d have a second full time job

rumplestilchen −  Me and my fiancé have had a similar argument. I feel unsafe around men because of past trauma, which he’s really understanding about. However, I didn’t realize he was so hurt by things I said about men and he expressed that to me.

I explained that I’ve been hurt by so many men and he explained that yes but he’s hurt by my comments, which I understood. I agreed that my vitriol was misplaced and we’re working through it. I think you both should sit down and discuss her views and how that effects you and better ways she can communicate her frustration with the opposite s**.

Women ARE mistreated so often by men and it can make us feel powerless, so it’s easy to lash out and not care about the comments you make. I’m not saying what she said is okay, I just think if you want to stay with her, you two should sit down and get to the root of her h**red and figure out better ways to communicate that.

reemz0 −  Seems to be unpopular from what I’ve read from the comments but honestly, but at least to me it seems like she said it out of complete frustration and was lashing out. Doesn’t make what she said okay by any means, but this is a uniquely frustrating time for people vocal about minority rights,

and as a woman perhaps she was feeling the pains of the groups that have been subjected to mistreatment for a lifetime. I would personally just try to talk it out, ask her to explain what those frustrations mean to her and how she can express them in more productive and less bashing ways.

[Reddit User] −  wtf if she hates men so much why is she with one lmao

Tarzan1415 −  That’s a yikes from me

In situations like these, it’s important to assess both the weight of the hurtful words and the intention behind them. Should he give his girlfriend space to express remorse and heal together, or is this a breach of trust that may take longer to overcome? If you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you navigate these feelings while trying to preserve a relationship? Share your thoughts in the comments.