(5 year update): My Sister Criticized My Teaching Style – How Do I Respond?

A Redditor reflects on the painful message they received from their sister regarding their professional behavior as a substitute teacher, which led to them cutting off contact. After years of minimal interaction and therapy, the Redditor has gained insight into the toxic nature of the relationship.

Despite hoping for change, they’ve accepted that their sister’s behavior has irreparably damaged their bond, and they no longer feel the need to reach out for reconciliation. Read the original story below…

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/ftWqM

‘ (5 year update): My Sister Criticized My Teaching Style – How Do I Respond?’

The discussion was really helpful, and at one point I had my therapist read that thread. Thanks to everyone who chimed in.
Since that post, I have not been in contact with my sister, except for incidentally at a few family events, where we had minimal interaction.

My other family is conflicted, but they seem to understand that neither of us wants to be in each others’ lives any more, despite them wanting us both in theirs. I’ve worked on this issue specifically in therapy, which has helped me develop some insight into those messages.

Next year I will be as old as my sister was when she wrote me those a**sive messages (there were a few followup messages I didn’t include in the original post.) I don’t regret cutting her out. I do regret having had a toxic person for a sibling.

Looking back I recognized that her over the top email was part of a few lifelong behavioral patterns. I realized that basically, despite our biological similarities and having been raised in the same household, we are simply not compatible people.

I hope one day she will develop her own insight, recognize her a**sive behavior patterns, and reach out to try to repair or reestablish a relationship with me. But I’m not holding my breath for this to happen, and I’m not interested in reaching out to ask her if she’ll consider trying to improve things.

Not having her in my life in the years since has actually improved the quality of my life: there’s been a lot of unnecessary drama and hard feelings that I’d been used to having to handle that I simply don’t with her gone.

At this point I anticipate only seeing her at a few more funerals. Would have been nice to have a good relationship with a sibling, but I do not have that with her and I don’t believe I ever will.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

[Reddit User] −  Would love to know what’s happened in 5 years. Did you overcome your depression? Did you continue teaching or working in law?

[Reddit User] −  Man that letter was such immature high school b**lshit. She disliked you, the Jenny woman was defensive about you fixing her assignment, and the two of them were jealous.

The sister just relishes using Jenny’s petty complaints as fuel to attack you, and dressed it up as concern to make it more delicious to her and give her deniability with the family.. What a piece of s**t. I’m glad everyone chimed in to say as much, and you’ve had such success in the years since. Good for you, you’ve earned all your happiness.

snooper92 −  Did you ever get any feedback from the school you were subbing at? If they had you every day it seems like they actually liked you! Did you stay in town, or move back to the other state to be a lawyer? Would love more life updates. Good for you for cutting out your sister. That letter was just dripping with animosity.. Edit: typo

Clareffb −  Gosh…I never saw the first post at the time but her email was s**age…I’m so sorry Op, that was one of the unkindest, most malicious things I’ve ever read. Wow.

vanwyngarden −  I just read the original email and my heart hurts. Anyone who says “they don’t have a mean bone in their body” is a total j**k and so is the person they’re referring to, but wow did it ever get worse than that. That email is so out of line and hateful over second hand GOSSIP reported over happy hour.

Probably mostly exaggerated and made up. I’m so glad you’re happy and you cut that person out. She is NOT your friend and certainly not someone you should devote even a moments thought. I’m adopted, so the whole “blood” thing has never had an impact on me.

I love my family dearly because they’re incredible, loving, kind people. They are my family not because theyre in my bloodline, but because we treat eachother with love and respect. Don’t ever feel guilty for walking away from blood. You deserve to be loved and happy. There was nothing loving about that horrible message.

rosie-skies −  I read your original post, and I’m going to school to become a teacher. I sub as well. I always leave notes for the teachers about the day. It’s customary. I’m sorry you have a toxic sibling. It’s really disheartening when that happens. But her behavior isn’t about you, it’s about her. Best of luck to you.

StowinMarthaGellhorn −  Another lawyer here, what stood out to me in the email was the bit about saying how intellectually smart is getting you nowhere. And how good social skills, good interpersonal skills are so much more important.

I’m not going to comment on the validity of this, I wanted to say, her original wording REEKED of her having waited a long time to tell you off and specifically, to let you know you weren’t hot s**t just for being so smart (and smarter than her).

She really tore into you and with VENOM. I’m sorry you had to deal with such a bitter and jealous sister. Happy to hear you are doing well.

ajg229 −  Was there any truth to the content of sister’s email or did she exaggerate things “Jenny” said?

The_Wrecktangle −  I had to go no contact with my parents for some of the reasons you labelled here. The patterns of abuse took me 20 years to realize, but since I have gone no contact with them, I have also had a decrease in both drama, and having to brace myself to snide remarks and disrespect at every turn.

My quality of life has increased so much since cutting them out, and I am glad to see that yours has improved since making this decision. I’m still getting used to my Wife’s family being so accepting and helpful.

It has taken me 5 years to grow even a bit comfortable with their help and company, as I keep expecting them to turn on a dime and lash out at me. It is posts like this that help me realize that I too made the correct decision, even if there is pangs of guilt at times. I’m happy for you!

DiebytheSword666 −  This is a pretty popular post, so I don’t know if you’ll have the time to respond. I just have a couple of questions.
\- Did you talk to the school about Jenny? Obviously, the mean letter that your sister wrote would have been too personal.

However, did you address some of it, and say something like, “Since I’m being gossiped about and not valued, I’ll sub elsewhere”? \- And this is a question that you’ve probably asked yourself throughout the years:

Why does your sister hate you and your late-father so much? Is she jealous of your education? Does she just hate men in general? Was she Ms. Cool Cheerleader and hated being associated with an uncool brother (if you were uncool in school)? I’m glad that you’re doing better. Thanks for sharing your posts to the Reddit community.

How do you feel about the Redditor’s decision to distance themselves from their sibling? Do you think cutting ties was the right choice after years of toxicity, or should they have tried to reconcile? Share your thoughts below!