’40F’ and 39M’ What would you do if you found out that your boyfriend of 3 and half years messaged their ex wife that they missed them and even I love you, but it was from a year ago?

A Reddit user (40F) is facing emotional turmoil after discovering troubling details about her boyfriend (39M) of 3.5 years. She found an old message from him to his ex-wife, expressing that he missed her and even said “I love you.”

This, combined with learning that they had dinner together while she was out of town and his recent attempt to contact another woman, has left her questioning his commitment.

She has been a great mom figure to his children, but now feels uncertain about their future and whether he truly values her. Read the full story below to see how the user is processing the betrayal and what she plans to do next…

‘ ’40F’ and 39M’ What would you do if you found out that your boyfriend of 3 and half years messaged their ex wife that they missed them and even I love you, but it was from a year ago?’

I am at a loss for words. I have lived with my boyfriend for 2 years and been a great mom figure for his 2 kids. Together for 3 and half years, but came across an old text stating 3 years without ya. I miss you to his ex wife. Yes it was a year ago, but I have been thinking wny have I not been proposed to yet.

Why is everyone else moving along and we aren’t. Is it because he still is holding on to his past? Not only did I find this disturbing, but when I went out of town… they had dinner together as a family. Of course this was not mentioned to me. Kids tell you everything lol.

Then just this past month I also found out he had asked a girl from back home for a drink. Said it was just a friend, but when she didnt respond… he said ok I take that as a no haha. Then just tried to ask again this last month.

A lot of emotions are running through me and I’m in total shock. I’m a single mom myself and want to be that strong role model to my daughter. I deserve love and respect just like everyone else. I obviously love him, just don’t think it’s mutual on his part now with what I found out recently.

I would love to hear from others what they think of this behavior and what would you do if you were in my shoes or what did you do if this has happened to you in the past? What are your thoughts?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

GoldenDragon001 −  It’s time for you to move on. Here’s why:

1. You wanted this relationship to lead towards marriage. After three years, there’s still no direction towards this.

2. He’s clearly cheating by trying to meet the other girl for hangout or drinks when you’re not present.

3. He is also emotionally cheating on you with his ex by telling her he loves her and planned these family dinner. Because he knows it would be wrong to meet her in private and he’s using the children to draw her connection to him.

4. You want your daughter to be able to recognize healthy relationships and have one one day. Your relationship isn’t healthy.

BJcircus −  Unfortunately you are a placeholder. You help out with kids, bills, companionship etc. you are not his future. He doesn’t know what his future is. Maybe it’s the ex. Maybe it’s someone else. Maybe it’s you..I doubt it because he doesn’t respect you. Loving him isn’t an excuse to cash out your dignity.

Be a good role model. Move on with your life. There is a man out there that will be all in with you. If you stay with this wishy washy asshat you will miss out on a loving and respectful relationship.

BriefHorror −  He asked a girl on a date. His lack of success in cheating on you is not redemption or comfort. You want be a strong role model for your kid be with someone who wants to be with you not someone who sees you as convenient help with his kids. Edit :  spelling I’m on mobile

mrfluffypants1504 −  I think he doesn’t respect you. If you doubt his feelings and it seems this may be justified, walk away knowing you’ve saved yourself years of heartbreak down the road.

[Reddit User] −  You said it yourself you deserve love and respect and unfortunately he’s not giving you that. You deserve someone who will.

eeyorethechaotic −  If I were in your situation, I’d leave. Like you say, you’re a role model for your daughter. Don’t teach her to stay in a relationship that doesn’t make her happy, with a man who doesn’t respect her.

New_Arrival9860 −  You want to move towards marriage, but he is moving towards the door. You are a source of comfort and childcare, nothing more.. You deserve better.

OkLocksmith2064 −  my thought is you’re a very cheap babysitter and housekeeper. Convenient. Either you s**k it up for the sake of stable circumstances or you start looking for you own apartment with your kid.

Initial_Buy_4278 −  He is showing you that he is NOT to be trusted and that he doesn’t unfortunately feel the same way for you as you do him. He is blatantly disrespectful and dishonest. I would go as far as getting tested for std/sti. He is looking to cheat and I would not be surprised if he has! Run OP

mimic-man77 −  I’d leave because I’d feel like they were still attached to the ex 

Do you think the user should confront her boyfriend about the message and his behavior, or should she consider walking away from the relationship altogether? How would you handle discovering that your partner still has unresolved feelings for their ex, especially after being in a committed relationship for years? Share your thoughts and advice below!