[31M] Husband cheated on [27F] me with his fit and skinny gym friend
A Reddit user (27F) discovered that her husband (31M) was cheating on her with a fit and attractive gym friend. She came home early to find her husband and the woman having sex in their bed, with a wedding picture nearby.
Despite her husband’s reassurances that he loved her, the betrayal has deeply affected her self-esteem, making her feel worthless and ugly. Now she’s unsure whether to leave him or stay, struggling with feelings of self-loathing and despair. She’s reached out for advice, feeling overwhelmed by the situation. Read the original story below.
‘ [31M] Husband cheated on [27F] me with his fit and skinny gym friend’
I came home from work early (I’m an OB nurse so my hours are pretty unpredictable) and found female sneakers in the garage that weren’t mine. At that point, I sort of already knew what I’d be walking into.
My husband has recently become very fit and has been consistently going to the gym, during which he made a female friend who he even brought home for dinner last week. She’s beautiful and thin and everything I am not, which instantly made me feel horrible.
So, I talked to him about it. He encouraged me to build my confidence and reassured me he loved me and would always be loyal to me.
I walked into the laundry room from the garage and sort of tiptoed around the house before going upstairs. They were having s**. In our bed.
With a framed picture from our wedding above the nightstand next to it. I silently left the room and got back in my car with tears streaming down my face and drove to get food and just sat in my car crying since. Its now almost 1am (walked in on them at 7pm) and I’ve returned to the hospital.
He called me asking why I wasn’t home and I told him my shift is extended but in reality, I’m laying in one of the on call rooms bawling my eyes out as I type this. I feel so worthless and u**y and stupid. I don’t even know how to proceed.
On one hand I want to divorce him and never see him again, but on the other hand, I’m an u**y woman….its not like I can do better. I just want to die. I feel so gross and the self-loathing is getting too much right now. Advice please..
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
olivesolives − When you see a woman that you don’t find particularly attractive or skinny walking down the street with her partner, do you think “she deserves to be cheated on?” I really don’t think so. You wouldn’t be this mean to anyone else, so why treat yourself this way?
AusFrosty − Take it from me – the worst possible thing is to stay with him because you are afraid of not finding someone else.
Life is just too short to be miserable with someone who doesn’t value you. You are still young- don’t waste that time.
jack_skellington − I’m an u**y woman. I’m not so sure about this. I mean, I don’t know you, but here is what I have for evidence: * Your husband reassured you when you initially talked to him about her.
People don’t do this for bitchy assholes. Something *inside* of you was valuable enough for him to want to respond with kindness, even if in the end he succumbed to temptation. * You are a nurse. You work to help others. You may save lives (I don’t know; I have no idea what role you have in your job, but benefit of the doubt).
* When you found out, you didn’t go crazy-woman violent throwing things or throwing his stuff on the lawn and setting it on fire, etc. What did you do? You went somewhere safe, cried and allowed your emotions to register, and now you are asking for advice.
Can you not see how… f**king *reasonable* and *awesome* you are? Like, you handle yourself WELL. The fact that you’re crying doesn’t diminish this. You are allowed to cry. It’s serious. It’s warranted. I think you might be really beautiful. You may just need to find a person who values beauty of character, instead of something only skin deep.
[Reddit User] − Take a deep breath. I know how exhausting tears and devastation can be. After you get your breathing under control, drink a tall, cool glass of water (no, seriously, do it). Do you have a place you can stay tonight? The first thing you need is sleep.
Before you talk to your husband, before you make any decisions, before anything else – rest. Your body and mind will thank you.
If you don’t have a friend or parent where you can stay, no questions asked, then rent a hotel room. You don’t have to say a word to your husband, but if you decide to – don’t do it on the phone.
Send him a text or email saying that you need space. Ask him to not contact you and let him know you’ll contact him when you’re ready. And then turn off your phone. He fucked up. He doesn’t get to decide when you talk now.
You can take as much time as you need to think, rest, and get your emotions in order. I’m sorry about the dirtbag. That’s heartbreaking. Last thing – I guarantee you that he isn’t cheating due to how you look.
taxaccountant_af − I also read your previous post about you being insecure and him bringing this woman home. When someone is cheating, there are a lot of steps involved. It’s not just them meeting and one second later, they are suddenly in bed having s**.
There was a meeting first, they talked, eventually proceeded to a car, drove to your house, went inside and so. During each and every step of the way, he had the opportunity to stop it, to say no. But he did not use this option anytime. He went on to have intercourses with his friend in your home.
I can imagine how you feel. It must be horrible to find out in person that your partner is cheating on you. However, if you consider that there were so many steps involved and that had the opportunity to refrain from cheating on you every second along the way, you might see that he did it with full intention.
It is totally up to you how you react to this. It’s your life, your marriage. But no one deserves to feel to be treated that way and feel the way you feel.
SoVeryKerry − He’s the u**y one.
pwhit181 − I’m so so sorry, sweetheart. I’m a nurse (male) and also found my (now ex) wife cheating with her Ironman triathlon training partner. All I can tell you is that it does and WILL get better. There will always be scars but you WILL find happiness again.
Find family, friends, whoever, and cry. Just cry. It’s ok to cry.. Do not succumb to the darkness. You are a nurse and help to bring life into the world. You’re so damn beautiful in that regard alone and I am so sure there’s SO much more.
PeteyPorkchops − Jay-Z cheated on Beyoncé so let’s be clear cheating isn’t just about looks, and you’ve done nothing wrong. A sorry ass man is going to be a sorry ass man no matter what you do. He disrespected you in your own home, your own bed. Nothing matters to him but his own selfish feelings. You can do better.. Edit:
1. It doesn’t matter what the relationship is like if you can’t be an adult and end it rather than cheat you’re in the wrong. 2. If you cheat you don’t love your partner. Point blank. Some of these answers make me really pity any woman/man that gets into a relationship with anyone with this mindset.
3. I said a person cheating isn’t cheating on their spouse solely based on looks alone. So I’ll r/EILI5 it for you. It doesn’t matter if you’re the most beautiful woman or handsomest man alive if you’re with a disloyal person then eventually true colors are gonna show. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
[Reddit User] − Just a warning, I have a very low opinion of cheating. I’ve had it happen to me three times (including my first wife).. That said: Him cheating is not on you, your weight, anything. Period. Everything else aside, that is purely him.
If he really felt that he was unhappy and wanted someone else, he should have left first. There is zero excuse for cheating. And to be brutally honest, that would have happened regardless of your weight. Loyalty isn’t conditional – it’s either there or not.
(Edit: to be clear, since there’s disagreement below, in this context by loyalty I simply mean whether someone will cheat or not) You can definitely do better. Not even getting into the self-esteem part, it’s not going to be too hard to find better than a c**ater.
As for your weight, I see people over your weight in happy relationships all the time. There are people that will find you attractive. If nothing else, I’d look at it this way: you will screen out the superficial candidates that only care about your weight.
As for attractiveness in general, every person finds different things attractive. It’s important to recognise that it’s not that you aren’t attractive: you may not find yourself attractive, but you’re not trying to date yourself, so that’s irrelevant.
Self-esteem is good, and I would work on that, but you don’t control what other people think. You can’t stop them from liking how you look, just by not liking it yourself.
[Reddit User] − You need to see a lawyer. Don’t tell him you know about the affair yet. With evidence in hand, you would have the upper hand. To stay with him, or to throw him out. Give yourself some time to ponder that question. But talk to a lawyer asap. Really.
This Redditor is understandably struggling with the overwhelming emotions from her husband’s betrayal. Do you think she should prioritize her self-worth and leave the relationship, or try to work things out? How can she rebuild her confidence and sense of self, no matter the outcome of her marriage? Share your thoughts below!