29M I want to replace my wedding ring, how do I tell my 29F wife.

A 29-year-old man regrets his choice of wedding ring from a decade ago. When he and his wife married at 19, he chose a flashy, trendy ring that no longer fits his mature, professional image. Despite feeling self-conscious about it at work and even taking it off during important meetings, his wife is attached to the sentimental value of their original rings. He’s struggling to figure out how to replace the ring without hurting her feelings.

‘ 29M I want to replace my wedding ring, how do I tell my 29F wife.’

I just want to say up front that I’m a d**bass and I know it, and this whole situation is my fault, but I do need help. My wife and I were high school sweethearts and got married very young. We went to the same college and got married when we were both 19 year old sophomores. I love her and we definitely made the right decision, and I would do it all over again exactly the same way with no hesitation except for one thing-the ring that I picked.

Now when I was a teen I was definitely a d**che. I’m talking affliction tees, hair gel, recreational MMA, macho bs. We picked out our rings together, and of course I wanted my ring to look cool. My wife, who is brilliant and always has been, chose a classy and timeless style for hers, and I did not.

Friends, my ring is large, clunky, mostly black, and has a cringy design on it in silver along with a band of lab created fire opal inlay. I thought it was so badass at the time, and could not understand what my dad was laughing about when he first saw it. Well I sure get it now. I’ve matured a TON in the last ten years and have slowly come to hate it. I am very self conscious of it at my professional office job, and sometimes even take it off if I have important meetings with clients. I feel horribly guilty every time.

I’ve gently broached the topic of maybe getting a ring that looks more professional, but my wife has pushed back, saying that we picked our rings together and have had them for ten years and that’s really special to her. I absolutely do not want to hurt her feelings. How can I approach this in a way that would make it easier for her to accept, short of doing a full-on vow renewal with new rings (suggested by my best friend; is the nuclear option due to cost)?

TLDR: I was an i**ot teenager when I got married, picked out an Ed Hardy level wedding ring, need to replace it without hurting my wife’s feelings.

See what others had to share with OP:

GoldenPusheen −  Can you tell her that you really want to replace your ring with something more adult and professional, and that your current one isn’t a good reflection of that. and want to put your previous ring in a shadow box on your bedside table, or frame it? Just tell her it’s purely about the aesthetics and you want something to match a more mature style.

[Reddit User] −  Can you frame it as wanting to buy both of you a new set of rings for your tenth anniversary? Not quite as costly as a vow renewal and I know couples who have done this.

degeneratescholar −  Due to the nature of my job, I have a ring I wear to work and then I have a ring I wear off the clock. Maybe you could just get a simple ring for professional wear and use the other one when you’re home. I know your goal is to get a replacement ring, but sometimes we take a hit to make our SOs happy…

lainiezensane −  I’m married…. And I personally have 4 wedding rings. I still have the originals, but I also have a copper-colored silicone one for hiking and camping, tiny thin one(and two backups) for wearing to work at my very hands-centric job, and another, actual copper ring just because it appeals to me. My husband has multiple silicone ones and a copper to match mine, as well as his original which he now considers his “fancy” ring. I mean, yes, the ring is a symbol and whatnot, I get that, but in the end, it’s just jewelry.

My husband and I are so married it probably wafts off of us like a stench, lol. I’m sure you guys are the same way. Approach it with love and honesty and a little bit of bald-faced flattery. “Honey, you were more mature than me when we picked out these rings and yours is classic and elegant. Now that I’ve grown up a bit myself I’d like to have a ring that reflects that. I’m so proud to be married to you, but I’d like to be proud of my ring, too.”

icontranquilis −  Talk it out with her, but make sure you don’t use words like “professional” because that word just sounds cold and passionless. Explain to her that you’ve grown up a lot and you want a new ring to symbolize your growth and maturity as an individual and together as a couple. Maybe you could frame it as a 10th-anniversary thing (which is already one hell of an achievement, especially getting married so young) so she can have a genuine, sentimental attachment to it. It’s cheaper than a vow renewal and just as sentimental/romantic.

sweadle −  I think the way you phrased it here in your post is really great. I’m so happy that a couple of 19 year olds getting married didn’t end badly. I love that you cringe now to think of the person you were, but love to think of how great she was. If you get a simple gold wedding band, it wouldn’t be to get rid of the old one. You’ll always have it. OP’s wife, how great that he is here talking you up, and worried about hurting you. Please let him let go of this 19 year old fashion choice. Imagine if we all had to walk around the world with the accessories we picked out at 19.

DasLazyPanda −  Depending on your budget and your ring, why not finding a jeweller to melt your ring and make a new one or remodel it?

[Reddit User] −  I was this wife. My husband wanted to get another ring (still likes his original one, just wanted options) and I was totally against it. I was very sentimental and didn’t even like the idea of EVER taking my wedding band off my finger. He bought himself a silicone ring and asked me to put it on him. When I did, he told me how much he loves me and that our marriage is about our love and not our rings. That got it through my head and then I was fine with it…and then I got a second ring too. 

_HappyG_ −  short of doing a full-on vow renewal with new rings (suggested by my best friend; is the nuclear option due to cost) TBH I agree with your friend, a vow renewal would be ideal. It doesn’t have to be expensive or the “nuclear option” by any means, it can be small and intimate, private and low-cost. There’s so much more flexibility with a renewal, it doesn’t have to be like a second wedding.

I think it would be a good idea to add in a small ceremony of removing the old ring or having it made into a keepsake such as a necklace or placed in a display case to commemorate the past, present and future together. Don’t deny your past, embrace the growth you have made both as individual and as a couple.

orangskye −  Your ring obviously holds a lot of sentimental value for your wife, and I think that’s really important to acknowledge. If you want to get a new ring, I suggest you approach it in a way that recognizes the emotional aspect, not just appearance.

“Wife, when I look at Old Ring, it reminds me of when we first got married and how happy we were. And in the last 10 years, we’ve made so many more great memories. I would love to get something that makes me think of not just our wedding day, but every happy day we’ve had since then. Would you help me pick out something that symbolizes that?” And come up with some reasons why New Ring is symbolic of your relationship now, and do something with Old Ring that will feel meaningful to her.