(24F) My boyfriend (24M) invited my awful father to dinner with us and it was a disaster. Any advice?

A Reddit user shared a heartbreaking story about how her boyfriend invited her estranged father to dinner without her permission, despite knowing their painful history. What was supposed to be a romantic date turned into an emotional disaster, leaving her feeling betrayed. Read the full story below to see how this emotional dinner unfolded.

‘ (24F) My boyfriend (24M) invited my awful father to dinner with us and it was a disaster. Any advice?’

So, my father has been absent for most of my life. He left my family when I was 6, so I have very few memories of him. He once called me when I was 12 and told me that he didn’t want to be apart of my life, ever. I made a promise to be better than he ever was.

Fast forward to now, I have a college degree, I’m a personal trainer, I professionally model, live in a nice apartment, have a great relationship with my friends & family and generally live a really good life. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He’s always been aware of my dads absence in my life and has respected that until now.

Apparently my father saw an ad for the gym I work at with my phone number on the ad. I am the model in the ad and he instantly recognized me. He left a voicemail on my phone asking for a session, but I have purposefully avoided it. My boyfriend decided to call my dad back and spoke about my life.

I told my boyfriend never to do this again and respect that I don’t want my father in my life. My boyfriend told me it was gonna be date night at our favorite restaurant. Turns out he invited my father. I was livid. My father was saying how proud he is of me, but I don’t want to hear it.

He ignored my existence for most of my life, so I definitely don’t want to see him now. I left the restaurant crying and upset. My boyfriend is upset with me for not giving my father a chance. He had good intentions but he should’ve respected me when I told him I don’t want to see my father.

**TLDR- My father has been absent from my life since I was 6. My dad found my number on a personal training ad and left a voicemail. My boyfriend invited him to dinner with us (without my permission) and it was a disaster.

I left crying. My boyfriend is mad that I didn’t give my dad a chance, but I’m upset my boyfriend disrespected me when he invited my dad, knowing that I don’t have a good relationship with him. Any advice?**

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

OccupyGravelpit −  If he wasn’t upset with you, I’d say chalk it up to some idiotic ideas about family being the most important thing and some notion he had of doing you a favor. That’s stupid, but not necessarily deplorable.

However, the fact that he thinks you’ve got anything to apologize for is pretty disturbing. Your expectation should be that he profusely apologizes both for the initial act and for being upset with you after the fact. And if you don’t get that response from him easily, it’s time to reassess your life with him.

taversham −  Your boyfriend doesn’t respect your boundaries.. He doesn’t respect your decisions. He thinks he knows better than you do what’s best for you. He is happy to go behind your back and unilaterally override your choices. And when it all went wrong, he tried to blame you and took zero responsibility.. He is a crap boyfriend.

[Reddit User] −  That was an a**ush. Reconsider whether you want a boyfriend who has so little respect for your wishes.

Janey_Cakes −  he had good intentions. No, he didn’t. His intent was to disregard your wishes and feelings and there’s a big streak of seeming to know better than you to what you need and want. Keep your eye out; that sort of attitude doesn’t generally only pop up once.

jolie178923-15423435 −  Oh, this is really bad. This is break up worthy, absolutely. He’s been with you for TWO YEARS! Why in the name of god does he think HE knows better than you about your relationships with your parents?

this isn’t even about your dad, really, it’s about your boyfriend going behind your back and deciding that he knows better than you about what’s best for you. I’m so sorry OP.

panic_bread −  Your boyfriend badly violated your boundaries. It doesn’t matter what his “intentions” are. He had no business going behind your back to do something you didn’t want. And if he even thinks connecting you with your dad is a good thing, he’s clearly not listening to you or respecting you. You can’t have a relationship with someone who does this to you.

[Reddit User] −  Your boyfriend overstepped your boundaries in so many ways that I personally would think long and hard if that was a dealbreaker. He does not get to dictate if you have contact with your father or not.

That he doesn’t show any understanding after you left so upset is alarming. He is a selfish, manipulative person. Please find someone who understands narcissistic parents and respects your wishes no matter what.. Edited typos

[Reddit User] −  As I was reading, I was thinking to myself the boyfriend is trying to play the hero and the fixer and while he made a mistake, maybe it’s not so bad. Then I got the part where he’s mad at you for not giving your father a chance. It might be one thing if he completely admitted he was wrong and apologized. It’s another to get mad at you. He certainly doesn’t respect your wishes or boundaries.

SnoreBaby −  If your bf were apologetic and actually understood or tried to understand why he was wrong, I would’ve said to maybe try to work things out. But he’s upset with YOU for being upset?? That’s a huge nope from me.

DiTrastevere −  Yikes. Not only does your boyfriend not understand your feelings about your father (forgiveable), he *aggressively ignores them*. He doesn’t WANT to understand, because he assumes he knows better. Terrible foundation for a relationship. The fact that he’s not grovelling for forgiveness is just the nail in the coffin. He’s not sorry and he will do it again.

Do you think the boyfriend’s decision to reconnect her with her father was a well-intentioned mistake, or a serious breach of trust? How would you handle a situation where a partner disregarded your boundaries for “good intentions”? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!